Empty
by Miss Peg
Summary: The gun shots at Korsak's wedding could have been so much worse, so very much worse. An alternate season seven, following on from that fateful evening, that leaves Jane battling with herself to survive, and Maura clinging on to something she wants more than anything.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note** **: This is the other fic I've been working on for a long time. It's not finished, so I think posting it will be the kick I need to get it done. It's probably heavier than Heavy, but I hope you will enjoy it all the same. I haven't forgotten about my other fic, that one is going to take a bit of time to get back into. Hopefully soon.**

 **This story is my take on what I think should (or at least could) have happened after the season 6 finale of Korsak's wedding.**

* * *

 **Empty**

The door slammed shut.

 _Gunshots fired._

Jane twisted round and retrieved her weapon, holding it out in front of her with her finger pressed against the trigger. The only thing stopping her from carrying through was the sheer look of horror on Maura's face. She placed the safety back on and put it down on the table.

"I'm sorry."

Maura stayed still, frozen to the spot like a rabbit waiting for their inevitable death. A moment passed. Neither of them spoke. When Jane held her hands out to Maura, she stepped into them, appreciative of the arms that wrapped around her shaking form.

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered, kissing the top of her head. Tears crept into her voice. "I'm sorry."

"I should be the one comforting you," Maura said, squeezing her tightly.

"I'm fine."

She stepped out of Jane's arms and stared into her eyes. Fine was subjective, particularly where Jane was concerned. Maura trailed her hands down her arms, not letting go as she reached her fingers.

"You're not."

Jane tugged her hands back and returned to her bottle of beer on the kitchen counter. "I am."

"It's late," Maura said. "You should get some sleep."

"Couldn't even if I wanted to."

"Then lie in the dark."

"What's the point?"

"That won't help." Maura reached for the beer.

In her attempt to pull it back, the bottle slipped from Jane's fingers, landing with a crash on the floor. Tiny shards of glass splintered across the tiles.

"God dammit," Jane shouted, reaching down to the floor.

"Leave it," Maura said, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"No!" Jane brushed the glass together with her bare hands, she flinched and pulled her hand back. "Ow."

"Let me see."

Jane stood up and sped across the kitchen. She turned on the faucet and let the cool water wash over her finger. Maura strode up behind her.

"Can I see?"

"I'm fine."

" _Jane_."

She shut off the faucet and turned around, letting her shoulders sink. She slouched against the countertop. Lifting the injured finger, she gave it a slight squeeze, prompting blood to form at the edge of the cut. She pushed it into her mouth.

"Stop being a damn helicopter, Maura."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry."

"I…"

"You don't have to stay."

Maura span around, her high heeled shoes tapped across the tiled flooring. She picked up her purse and tossed her jacket over her arm. Her throat ached. She pressed her lips together.

"I can't find my keys."

She walked into the living room and flung pillows from the couch, pushing her hands down the folds of the seat cushions. The harder she looked the more hopeless it felt. She returned to the kitchen.

"Where are my keys?"

"Check your purse."

"They're not going to be in my purse," she said, letting one handle hang down so she could reach into it. A second later she lifted out her bunch of keys. "Oh."

She marched toward the front door of the house. Jane watched her disappear, the door closed behind her. For a moment she felt relieved to be alone, to be free from the pressure of other people. Another moment passed and a heavy weight shifted onto her chest.

"Maura, wait," she shouted, running after her. She pulled the door open and rushed down the front path. She reached out and gripped her wrist, holding her back. "Maura, don't go."

She stopped walking, her arm held behind her by Jane. She pushed the intensity of her emotions to one side, regained her composure and forged the slightest smile. For Jane.

"Okay."

Jane's fingers slipped down to Maura's hand, interlinking each finger. They walked back to the house together. Maura placed her jacket and purse on a chair in the hallway.

"Stay with me," Jane said, her voice flowed into the silence.

After letting go of Maura's fingers, Jane ambled up the staircase and into the bedroom. Maura followed a couple of feet behind. She stripped down to her underwear and pulled one of Jane's large t-shirts over her head. Jane was already under the covers when Maura slipped in beside her. She pushed the sheets away, too warm in the summer heat for even the smallest of outfits.

She reached her arms out to Jane. She sunk into Maura's embrace, pushing her face into the side of Maura's neck. She smelled like home. The familiarity was intoxicating. She closed her eyes.

She didn't expect sleep to come that night.

The scream pulled Jane from the unexpected sleep she'd fallen into, a couple of hours later. She felt guilty for how easily she'd found herself drifting off, but it was late when they climbed into bed and she hadn't slept well all week. It took a moment to orientate herself.

"Maura," she whispered, looking into the dark at the silhouette of her best friend sitting up beside her. Great gasping sobs filled the darkness, surrounding her with insurmountable grief. "I'm here."

She could feel Maura's quivering hands reach for her, pulling her toward her. Jane complied and scooped her up in her arms. She wrapped her body around her and held on tightly. Maura shook against Jane's touch, fighting the horrors filling her mind. She clung to her body, tears spilled from her eyelids.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I thought I could be the strong one."

Jane fumbled through the lack of light to cup her face, she clutched her chin and peppered kisses along her tearstained cheeks. The salty tears transferred to her lips. She moved her mouth across Maura's face, barely an inch lay untouched until she found her mouth. She pulled out of the brief embrace. Shocked by her actions.

"I," she began, but her voice drifted into the silence. Her hands still tucked around Maura's cheeks.

Maura lifted her fingers to Jane's arms. She trailed the lightest touch across her wrists, down her arms and back up to her neck. Tears flowed freely. She fought against the pain but she couldn't stop it. Maura leaned in and captured Jane's lips, desperate for the feeling that spread through her the second Jane's mouth touched hers.

Any hint of words disappeared into the silence, replaced by their lips merging together, their hands fighting against clothing. It didn't make sense what was happening. Jane clung to her. Her mind lost in the grief stricken fog clouding her judgement. The only thing that mattered in that moment was meeting her most basic desire. She leaned over Maura and pushed down the edges of her panties, lifting her fingers up to meet her. She closed her eyes and felt her way around her body, trailing fingers across her skin, teasing her with every touch, her lips following in their wake.

The overwhelming intensity of her emotions faded into the overwhelming intensity of her orgasm as Maura bucked her hips up to meet Jane's fingers and mouth. She closed her eyes and fought the desire to fall back to sleep, desperate to hear Jane's own cries of delight. Every touch, every kiss filled her with emotions she didn't know how to handle. Everything felt so much larger. When Jane landed on top of her, gasping for breath, her lips capturing Maura's again, the last twelve hours melted away.

Once Maura's breathing had evened out and she was sure she'd fallen back to sleep, Jane slipped out of her arms. She pressed her lips to the side of her head, took a blanket out of the top drawer of her dresser and strode out of the bedroom.

Pushing open the back door, Jane wrapped the blanket around her naked body and stepped out into the cool night air. She stared up at the sky, at the stars lost in the midst of cloud.

It was only then she could allow herself to let go. The tears coursed down her cheeks. Her throat ached. She pressed a hand against the bricks, her head beside it, and sobbed loudly.

x

Maura woke to an empty bed. The headache that pulled her from her sleep banged against her temple, knocking her sick. She ran to the bathroom. Clutching the edges of the toilet bowl, she stared into the water, not quite reaching the point where her being there served any purpose. She laid her arm across one side and rested her head against it.

In the blink of an eye, their whole world had flipped upside down. She felt another wave of nausea, the tell tail signs of saliva tingling at the edges of her lips. Her stomach twisted, yet still nothing came of it.

Another minute passed. Maura spat excess saliva into the bowl and stood up. Running the faucet, she splashed cold water against her cheeks and searched Jane's cabinet for painkillers; one left. She slipped it into her mouth and washed it down with a handful of water.

Standing in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom, Maura stared at the still empty space. Her body tingled from the memory of Jane's touch. The imaginary feel of her skin flooded Maura's mind. Overwhelming feelings shrouded her, pushing her back into the moment where all that mattered was Jane's body colliding against her own, their fingers and mouths moving like experts across each other's bodies. Tracing maps they somehow already knew by heart.

Disappointment settled above it, pushing the elation down until it sandwiched between their greatest pain and Maura's sadness that Jane was no longer there. The pain in her head intensified. She rubbed at her temple then exited the bedroom, onward down the staircase.

The townhouse had a similar blueprint to Maura's, excepting the additional walls splitting up the living space. She checked each room in turn, before she spotted the back door not quite closed.

Out in the garden, she found Jane sat on a bench by the wall, her silhouette as heartbreaking as any other form. Maura stepped toward her, desperate to feel her in her arms. She placed her fingers on Jane's upper arm, skin to delicate skin.

Jane tugged herself away, her arm slipped out of reach. She stared into the darkness, out across what Maura knew to be the garden. A lump settled in the back of her throat.

How could something so desired hours before turn sour so quickly? Maura stepped back and returned to the house. Her headache lessened with every passing moment, but the heartache lingered. The overwhelming pain barely changed. In the dark of the night, Maura felt the greatest distance between her and Jane, and until she slipped back into sleep on the couch, she thought it would consume her until there was nothing left.

She woke a couple of hours later to Jane shaking her. Maura pressed her lips together and stared up at her. Her eyes wide, frantically darting back and forth.

"We have to go."

Frowning, Maura sat up slowly. Every time she woke, or breathed, she was reminded of the last forty-eight hours. She breathed in deeply and sighed, the weight of the world heavy on her breath.

"Where?"

"The hospital," she said.

"Frankie?"

"No. Korsak."

"I thought he was okay," Maura said, struggling to shift the haze of sleep.

"It's Kiki."

"Oh."

Maura pushed herself off the couch and stood up. She considered changing back into her original outfit. The outfit she wore to Korsak and Kiki's wedding. The outfit that now sat on Jane's bedroom floor, a victim of a horrible event. Instead Jane handed her a pair of gym pants.

"They're clean," she said, like it mattered in that moment.

"I'll drive," Maura said, snatching Jane's keys from the coffee table before she could reach them.

Considering the situation, she didn't think it right for Jane to drive. They'd both lost someone they loved, but for Jane it was her mother, for Maura she was merely a friend. It didn't matter that she considered her a surrogate mother. It didn't matter that they were somewhat closer, as friends, than Jane and Angela had ever been. She was still not the mother who birthed her into the world.

The drive stretched out, elongated by the warped sense of time Maura was living under. When they left the hospital in the middle of the night, Kiki was critically ill. Three bullet wounds. Three penetrating injuries.

"Vince," Jane said, stepping toward him. "How is she?"

"Dead," he said, his tone lifeless and broken.

Jane reached a hand across the space but he brushed her away. Rage burned in his eyes. Maura swallowed, the painful lump reforming quickly. This should not have been the end result of their wedding day.

"I'm so very sorry," Maura said, placing a hand on his shoulder. His whole body sunk under it.

"I'm sorry," Jane said. "None of this should have happened."

He scoffed, distancing himself from Jane. He stared into her eyes, and all she could see were the red rims of tears, the bloodshot pupils. "No. It shouldn't."

"I'm so sorry," she said, stepping forward. He retreated further. "Please, Vince."

"I have to go," he said, turning around and marching down the hospital corridor.

"But I'm sorry," Jane said, leaning forward, one hand covered her mouth. The other on her knee, steadying her. Her shoulder's shook, her body weakened by the additional weight of grief and guilt. She stepped sideways, until the cool of the wall hit her arm and she reached out to steady herself better.

"It's okay," Maura said, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her back into her embrace. She lifted her hands around Maura's back, her body shook harder, tears flowed faster.

It wasn't okay.

It would never be okay again.

x

He looked so small. His just over six-foot stature shrunk under the bed sheets. There was no colour to his skin, no light in his closed eyes. He was Francesco Rizzoli Junior, and a stranger. Jane swallowed. She perched on the edge of the plastic chair and clutched his fingers, squeezing them tighter and tighter until she was sure he really wasn't just going to wake up.

"Why'd you have to do it, Frankie?" she asked, stroking the back of his hand. "Why'd you have to run after her? Ma was dying. I know she shot her. But she was dying on the floor and you stupidly ran after her."

Tears gathered in her eyes making it harder to see anything but the blur. She stared into it, embraced the lack of clear vision until she blinked, and the tears strolled down her face.

"She'd have been proud." She trailed her hand up his arm. "You got her. She died because you were brave. Braver than me."

She didn't do what she should have done. She was a good cop; a fantastic cop some might say. She'd been awarded medals. She was revered. Her achievements paled in comparison to Frankie's bravery. She'd pressed her fingers against the wound on her mother's chest, a job that Maura could have done if she hadn't barked at her to back off. While Frankie was firing at her shooter, being shot by her.

She reached across his stomach. Only when her mother's condition deteriorated did she leave her. Only when the lack of bravery no longer mattered did she get up and run after them.

Too late.

They were both on the ground. Frankie was already crawling across the floor desperately seeking help.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note** **: Thank you for the comments, it's great to see that you're here and ready to begin another whirlwind/rollercoaster journey with me. It's certainly not going to be an easy read, but I hope you enjoy it all the same.**

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The bullpen was its usual hive of activity. If Jane didn't know any better she'd have suspected nothing had changed. But in the blink of an eye, everything had. Sitting behind Korsak's desk was a man Jane barely knew. His stomach protruded further, his teeth were crooked and he smelled of tobacco. Frost's Guardian had been pushed aside by a man tall enough to be an All-Star basketball player. The last time Jane had seen him, he'd been in uniform.

At her own desk sat a blonde woman; her hair shone like the sun, a pair of glasses balanced on her perfect nose, held momentarily by nails that belonged in a salon. The BRIC was empty.

This was not her team.

"Rizzoli." The portly man, who Jane remembered was called Wheeler, stood up, shocked at her arrival.

"Hey."

The rookie detective whispering with the woman, watching her like she'd grown a second head. Wheeler glared at him and he stood up, holding his hand out.

"I'm Detective Brock Miller."

"Hi, Detective Brock Miller," Jane said, testing the name in her mouth. She didn't like it. It didn't fit. "What are you all doing here?"

"We got temporary transfers," Wheeler said. "Murder stops for nothing."

"Not even murder," Jane said, with a grimace. "What's the case?"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Rizzoli," Wheeler said, walking around her desk and placing a hand behind her back, as if to guide her towards the exit.

She turned around. She could see it in his eyes. There wasn't nothing. There was a very big something and she could see her face on the whiteboard. "Except her."

"Well, yes." He slipped back behind his desk and closed the case file, pushing it underneath a pile of papers.

"I want in."

"Can't let you do that."

Gritting her teeth, Jane leaned against the desk. "She killed my mother. My brother is lying in a hospital bed comatose. Sergeant Korsak lost his wife. I. Want. In."

"She could kill you and I still wouldn't let your ghost help."

She stood upright again, her shoulders aligned with her back. "At least tell me if she pulled through."

Miller and the blonde averted their gaze. The last thing she remembered from the night before, aside from pushing the boundaries of her relationship with Maura, was pressing down on her wound.

She had to keep her alive to stand trial. She couldn't let her die. Death was too easy.

Frankie shot her to stop her, not to give her an out.

"She didn't," Jane said, searching his eyes for the answer she didn't want. Miller and the woman looked even further away. She slammed her fist down on Korsak's desk and stared into the empty eyes. "Answer me."

"She died this morning."

A chill travelled along her arms, sending goose pimples across her skin and through her body. She felt weakened; gripped the desk to steady herself. Jane didn't drop her gaze, waiting for him to say something more, but he just stared back.

"She here?" Jane asked.

"I can't…" he said.

She closed her eyes, then fixed her stare. "Is. She. Here?"

"Came in an hour ago."

"Thank you."

The weakness of her body came second to her need to visit the morgue. Maura was still in bed when she left for the office. She didn't think she'd be there, but it almost didn't matter. What did matter was seeing her. The woman who destroyed her world in minutes.

"Rizzoli, you can't," Wheeler shouted, his voice drifted away as she ran for the stairs.

The morgue was empty, like a ghost town. Maura wasn't sat behind her desk; the crime technicians were nowhere to be seen. Even Kent wasn't hanging around. Jane walked into the examination room, unheeded. A body lay on the table, covered in a sheet. She stood in the door for a moment, then took a long, deep breath in and stepped closer.

Underneath the cloth, if only she had the courage to pull it away, was the woman. She could feel it. Her heart raced. She swallowed a lump in the back of her throat and stared at the fabric.

It didn't feel real.

The office door opened in front of her. Jane jumped. She rested a hand across her chest and stared into Maura's eyes.

"What are you doing here, Jane?" she asked, stepping closer.

"I thought you," she said, drifting off, her eyes landed back on the form beneath the cloth.

"Kent called. He saw you come in."

Jane shrugged. "Like five minutes ago."

"An hour ago."

She looked at the clock on the far wall. She'd barely noticed the time disappear. She didn't move. Her feet were frozen to the ground. She needed to see the woman, yet she couldn't bring herself to look at her.

Maura walked around the body, stopping beside her. She didn't speak, just walked forward and pulled the material halfway down her body.

"You might as well take a look," Maura said, interlinking her fingers with Jane's and giving her hand a squeeze.

She didn't move. Couldn't move. She lifted her free hand to her mouth as her shoulders shook. She fell forward, letting go of Maura's hand and rested them on the edge of the metal gurney.

She knew the woman. A memory etched on her face, a distant memory from her past. She could barely place her. This was her fault. The reason this woman had was because of her.

Lifting her clenched fist up, she tossed her arm out to her side and watched as it collided with the metal tray of instruments, sending them flying onto the floor.

"Jane," Maura whispered, the tiniest sound crept through the noise of her memories. An arm landed on her shoulder, which she shrugged off. "Please don't shut me out."

"I need to get back upstairs," Jane said, turning around.

"You need to stop pretending that you're okay. You can't work like this. You shouldn't work like this."

"What else can I do?" Jane asked, turning back to Maura, fire burning in her eyes. She shook her head, her arms out in front of her. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

The calmness in Maura's voice unsettled her somewhat, yet at the same time, it brought her back down. "Today you don't have to do anything. I brought some lunch, it's in my office."

Jane stared at the space Maura vacated for a moment, before following her into the office. They sat beside each other, eating silently, focused entirely on the food and nothing more. Jane chewed a cherry tomato, something she usually enjoyed tasted of nothing, just sorrow and emptiness.

"Korsak wasn't in the office," Jane said, dropping the half-eaten tomato onto a pile of salad leaves. "Frankie wasn't there. They've got Wheeler the fat guy from Vice, and some librarian-type bimbo with acrylic nails."

"Were they acrylics, gels or silks?"

"Does it matter?"

"I suppose not."

"They've got a rookie sat at Frankie's desk, Frost's desk. He doesn't have a fucking clue how to be a detective. He was in diapers five minutes ago."

Maura cleared her throat. She wanted to be sympathetic; she just didn't quite know how to have the conversation that Jane insisted upon.

"They had to do something," she said.

"Why?"

Maura gave her knee a gentle squeeze. "The world hasn't stopped moving."

" _Mine_ has."

"We need to discuss funeral arrangements."

"No." Jane stood up and walked back across the office. She stared through the window where Kent had proceeded to prepare the body.

Following her across the room, Maura stood beside her. "Jane."

"You'd better get in there before Kent finishes without you," she said.

"I'm not doing the autopsy."

Mouth open, Jane stared at her. "Why not?"

"I'm too close to this."

"So?"

"I cannot do the autopsy."

"Fine." She turned tail and headed for the other door, tugging it open as she marched out of the office and headed back toward the elevator. As she waited, tears crept into her eyes, blurring her vision. She brushed them away.

Maura stepped up beside her. "I'll drive you home."

"Whatever."

x

"I've prepared spaghetti for you, just like Angela used to make it," Maura said, putting a dish in front of Jane and sitting opposite her at the dining table.

Jane stared at the spaghetti, her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't speak. She picked up a fork and twirled it around until spaghetti covered every last inch of the prongs. She stole a glance at Maura, who ate hungrily. Jane lifted the fork to her mouth but she couldn't bring herself to take a bite. Instead, she returned it to the dish and chewed the air.

"Is it okay?" Maura asked, sipping her wine.

"Yeah." She moved the spaghetti around the dish, pushing it back and forth, occasionally pretending to lift the fork to her mouth before placing it back down. She didn't feel hungry. Her stomach growled at her, but she didn't feel the desire to eat.

"I can take the day off tomorrow," Maura said, emptying the last of a bottle of wine into her glass. "We can clear out the guest house."

Taken aback, Jane forced the lump in her throat back down. "No."

"Okay." Maura's eyebrows tugged together. "We could do something else."

She dropped the fork into her dish and pushed it forward, leaning back in her seat. "Just go to work, Maura."

"But I." Maura drifted off.

An uncomfortable silence settled between them. It never felt uncomfortable, not usually. Jane shifted in her seat as Maura cleared away the dishes. She could hear her sigh as she scraped her uneaten meal into the trash. It should have made her feel guilty. All she felt was numb.

"What happened the other night," Maura said, sitting back down opposite Jane. "Maybe we could talk about that."

Ignoring her, Jane picked at a piece of dried spaghetti sauce on the table then tossed it back and forth between her fingers. Everything felt broken, nothing was the same anymore. How could it be?

"Jane." Maura's fingers wrapped around her wrist. "Please."

"Ma would like the service to be religious," Jane said, finally looking up. "Catholic. The full works. Hymns, prayer, it's the only option."

Maura nodded. "We can arrange for that, but…"

Jane cut her off.

"She hated carnations, said they were the flowers people gave when they didn't really care about someone. She loved sunflowers. They reminded her of," Jane choked back the tears. "Of the summers she spent in Tuscany as a teenager."

"I'll call my florist first thing in the morning. Anything else?"

"No." Jane stood. She didn't really want to make the arrangements. They hurt too much. She just couldn't talk to Maura about what they'd done, or why they'd done it. "Going to bed."

"But, Jane," Maura began.

Her voice drifted away. Jane exited the room and headed for the staircase. Her mother talked about the sunflowers like they were the greatest flower in the world. She promised to take Jane one day, but money got in the way and they'd never made the trip. She curled up under the bedsheets and felt the tears flow down her cheeks.

x

Placing a pair of pyjamas on the table beside Frankie's bed, Jane brushed his hair back from his forehead and kissed it. A small flash of memory filled her mind, of her brother lay in her mother's arms in the hospital just a few hours old. She crumbled into a seat beside the bed, not dissimilar to how she jumped up onto the plastic chair as a small child. Everyone smiled their biggest smiles, and she held the wriggling, tiny baby in her arms, and kissed his forehead.

"Oh, Frankie," she whispered, moving his hand off the side of the bed and holding it in the space between herself and the bedsheets. The heart monitor beeped on the other side of the bed, his chest heaved with every new breath forced into his body by the ventilator. "You need to wake up soon, or you'll miss Ma's funeral."

She sniffed back tears and wiped her nose, fresh droplets slipped down the bridge onto the back of her hand. Nothing had changed from the first time she visited, and she wondered how much longer it would take for him to recover.

"Ms Rizzoli."

The doctor stepped into the room, Maura by her side. Jane stood, cleaning the remaining tears from her face as she moved to the end of the bed.

"I'm Doctor Harper," she said, holding her hand in front of her. "I've been on your brother's case since he came in."

Jane shook her hand then slipped her own into the pocket of her sweats. She bounced from one foot to the other, her shoulders hunched up around her neck. "When's he gonna wake up?"

"You need to prepare yourself," Doctor Harper said, her smile subtle, gentle. The briefest silence followed. Jane glanced at Maura, at the tears glistening in her eyes, and she felt herself grow weaker. "There's no change in his condition. We're seen little to no brain activity. There's still a chance, but it's tiny."

"What does that mean?" Jane asked, not daring to look her in the eye. She stared absently at the tiles on the floor, at the empty trash can across the room, at the fold in the door mechanism that would account for the problems she had in trying to shut it on her way in. She didn't want to hear the answer, yet all she wanted was to know the truth.

"Given that Francesco," Doctor Harper began.

Jane cut her off. "Frankie. Everybody calls him Frankie."

"I'm sorry," she said. "Given that Frankie wasn't married, and we've been unable to get hold of your father, we would like to ask if you would consider signing a do no resuscitate order."

Do not resuscitate. The words lingered in the air, like a bad smell. Doctor Harper's voice repeated it in her mind several times.

" _No_." Jane pushed past them, out into the corridor where she leaned against the wall. Her heart sped up, her breathing became that much harder to handle.

"Jane," Maura whispered, the familiarity of her voice was the only thing that kept her sane.

Jane looked at her, at the sadness in her eyes and the hand outstretched to her arm. She shrugged her away and faced the wall, shaking her head repeatedly. "Leave me alone."

Nothing would make the moment better. Not even Maura. The longer she had to consider the doctor's request, the harder it was to understand. Frankie was not dead, he was there, in that bed, there was no reason to give up on him. Not yet. Not ever.

She turned back around after a moment, the questions on her lips could only be answered by Maura, or Doctor Harper, and she'd taken an instant dislike to the woman who was ready to drop her brother like a football. Neither of them were there.

"Jane?"

A small voice filled the empty corridor. Jane lifted her gaze, locked her eyes with Nina's. She stared at her, desperate to allow the tears building in her eyes to fall, but she held them back. Instead, she opened her arms and Nina walked into them.

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered. She knew how deeply Nina's feelings for Frankie went.

"He's not going to be okay, is he?"

She clung to her colleague, a woman she wasn't quite able to call friend, and shook her head.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Notes** **: Thank you so much, this story is being received better than I expected it would. I really felt I wanted to explore the depth of how Jane might feel if she lost Angela is such tragic circumstances. We all know she's a little rude with her mother, but deep down I think she loves her an awful lot. There's not much more that is already written, so it may take a little longer to update from here...**

* * *

Jane still sat at Frankie's bedside when Maura returned the next morning. Nina perched on the chair opposite. Book ends in Frankie's life. The doctor's diagnosis hurt, and Maura wasn't sure how much longer she could stay strong for Jane. Losing Angela and Kiki had been hard enough. She stood at the end of Frankie's bed and watched Jane sleeping, her head against Frankie's thigh and her hand gripping his like a child clutched a teddy bear.

"Would you like to sit down?" Nina asked, standing.

Maura shook her head, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm okay. Has she been here all night?"

"Yes." Nina headed for the doorway. "We both have. She only fell asleep an hour ago."

"I'll take a chair from outside," Maura said.

"Have mine. I need to stretch my legs," Nina said, slipping out of the room. Maura walked around the bed and smoothed Frankie's hair back against his head. His facial hair had started to grow, covering his chin in a small layer of stubble, just enough to make it look like he'd been there for a while. Nina reentered the room and placed a chair beside the one she'd vacated. Maura sat down beside her. "Thank you."

She took Frankie's other hand and held it in her palm. She ran her other one over the back, along his fingers. She turned it over and stared at the rough skin inside his knuckles. Every cut, every scar told a story she'd never get to hear. Hunched forward, Maura felt tears prick her eyes again. She couldn't keep crying, it was exhausting. Nina rested a hand on her shoulder. It all felt like it was turned upside down.

Jane moaned from her spot across the bed, then sat upright, her arms outstretched above her head. She locked eyes with Maura, then glanced away. "What time is it?"

"After nine." Maura forged a smile, despite the pain pushing tears into her eyes. "We need to talk about Angela's funeral."

"Hey Frankie," Jane said, ignoring her. "You remember that time we went to the beach and we got stuck in a cave at high tide? You were such a wuss, scared of the waves as they splashed at your feet. Ma and Pop were screaming at us from down the beach but we couldn't even hear them."

Nina gave her a reassuring nod, and Maura persevered. "The church is booked, as is Father Thomas. He was saddened to hear about Angela's death."

"Probably wouldn't have been so bad if we didn't have Tommy with us, he just sat on the floor and played with the shells he picked up. Didn't have a clue. That's our Tommy. You always saw the dangers, while I pretended I was strong and Tommy didn't have a clue there was anything wrong."

"Jane, listen to me," Maura said. "We need to know who is going to carry the coffin. Frankie would have been an obvious choice, with Tommy, and your father. I can ask Vince."

"Tommy isn't coming," Jane said, squeezing Frankie's hand. "You know what he was always like about funerals, he hated the damn things. Wouldn't go anywhere near Grandpa's, and he was only ten."

"He isn't?"

"He's too upset," Jane said, still talking to Frankie. "I think TJ's taking it hard too, which is why you need to wake up and get better so we can go and visit them. Let TJ know he's still got all his family looking out for him."

"Jane," Maura tried again, but Jane didn't respond.

"That good for nothing father of ours should have left Ma long ago, he never deserved her. He won't even come and say goodbye. I should have let you punch him when you were angry at him in ninth grade, instead of stopping you. He deserved it then and he deserves it now."

Maura sighed and stood up, moving around the bed to Jane's side. She glanced at Nina, who didn't say a word. She rested a hand on Jane's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

The physical contact made it impossible for Jane to ignore. She dropped Frankie's hand and leaned forward, her shoulders shook with great gasping sobs.

"It's just me, Frankie," she said, her words distorted by the tears. "Just me saying goodbye to Ma, she deserved better than that. She deserved her whole family."

x

Angela bought her the dress the last time she tried to set her up with someone. Being Jane, she groaned at every second of their shopping trip, and cursed at her mother when she finally revealed her plan. If she could go back to that day, she would have hugged her tighter and told her she loved her.

But she couldn't.

She stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom, a room that had no personal connection whatsoever. It felt like the safest place from her pain. Maura's house was cluttered with reminders of her family.

She ran her hands down the front of the black and white skirt, and back on up across the bust. Behind her, Maura appeared in a simple black tight fitting dress, far fancier than anything Jane or Angela could afford. Jane stared back into her reflection's eyes. She felt as tired as they looked.

"You look beautiful," Maura said, walking up behind her.

Jane stared straight ahead, her smile forged like every other one since the shooting. Tears gathered beneath her eyelids and she blinked, felt the sting of tears on their journey down her cheeks. Maura wrapped her arms tightly around her, pulling her against her. The physical connection battled her grief for something more. She turned into Maura's embrace and closed the gap, forcing her lips down against Maura's until she responded in the desired way.

"We need to talk about this," Maura whispered, leaning back.

Ignoring her request, Jane silenced her with another kiss. She reached down and pushed up the edges of her little black dress. She fumbled with the waistband of her panties.

"Jane," Maura tried again, but her name on Maura's lips spurred her on and the moment her fingers reached under the fabric, Maura resisted her previous need to discuss. The next time she said her name was on the edge of a moan, her lips pressed against Jane's ear as she battled through the intensity.

Untangling herself from Jane, Maura gripped her cheeks and captured her mouth. She should never have given in to her but the fire burning between her thighs made it harder to ignore. Jane's grief provoked something deeper in her. She tugged her back toward the bed and pushed her down onto it. She worked her way down her body, tugging at fabric until her mouth wrapped around Jane's breast. She trailed her mouth down, Jane pulled up the edges of her dress and wrapped her legs over Maura's shoulder, helping bring her closer.

Once it was over, Maura stood up and tugged her panties back up under her dress. She watched Jane do the same, her whole body tingled at the sight of her toned thighs. Thighs that moments before were wrapped around her head, caging her there as she embraced an orgasm.

"We need to talk about this," Maura said.

"Not right now," Jane replied. She closed the gap and pressed her lips to Maura's forehead. "Not today. Today I have to bury my mother, can you just help me forget for a moment, so that I don't have to think about that?"

She nodded against her forehead. So close she could reach out and kiss her again. She resisted the urge, turned toward the mirror to check she was suitably tidy. Anything to ignore the incessant voice in her head telling her that what she was doing was not right.

Not then.

Maybe not ever.

x

Officers in uniform climbed out of several cars and gathered around the coffin. Jane stared across the entranceway of the church. Her hands shook. Korsak, in his old uniform, draped a flag over the mahogany. Five officers and Korsak got into formation and lifted the coffin onto their shoulders.

"How…?" Jane asked, her voice drifted off, shaking uncontrollably.

"They wanted to do it," Maura said. "Everyone loved her when she worked at the café, and she knew them all by name, they followed her to the Dirty Robber. With Frankie in hospital, they wanted to do this for both of you."

Maura rested a hand on Jane's back. If she'd realised how shaken it would make Jane, she'd have told her sooner. "I'm sorry."

"No." Jane wrapped her fingers around Maura's hand. "It's…"

"It's okay."

"Tommy should be here." Her jaw ached, her teeth clenched tightly together. "Pop should be here. She deserved better from both of them."

"I know. But they aren't, so we have to carry on."

Jane's eyes bugged, she stared at Maura like she was seeing her for the very first time. "How?"

"I wish I knew." She rested a hand on the small of Jane's back, trailing it up and down briefly. "But we will."

The procession moved forward into the church, with Korsak and an officer at the helm. Jane, her arm linked with Maura's, followed behind. She glanced around, desperately hopeful of familiar faces, of family. She tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. As they took their seats at the front of the room, Jane felt tears flow down her cheeks. Looking back, every seat was full, and all the space at the back was crowded right out the door.

"Tommy should be here to see this," she whispered, her voice broke through.

Maura clutched her hand, holding it steady. "It'll be over soon."

"That doesn't help."

"I know."

Father Thomas stepped up to the podium, his eyes downturned. He looked across the mourners, his eyes landed on Jane. He sent her a brief, but saddened smile. He opened his mouth to speak, pausing momentarily.

"Sorry," someone said loudly.

Jane turned. It was too difficult. Whilst she didn't want it to be over, she didn't want it to really begin, any delay left her stranded in the worst possible place. If they began the service, they would be closer to saying goodbye, and she wasn't ready for that. Nor was she ready for the goodbyes to be over. When she saw him, moving down the aisle, Jane's heart leapt.

"Sorry I'm late," Tommy said, stopping at the end of her pew.

Jane stood up and whacked him on the arm with her fist. Fresh tears rolled along the side of her nose. She pulled him into her arms. "You idiot."

"Sorry."

"Sit down," Maura said, tugging the back of Jane's jacket. She moved to one side to give Tommy space to sit beside her.

"No." Jane pulled her back. "Tommy can stand."

"I don't mind," Maura said.

"He's late. He stands."

"It's fine," he whispered, all eyes fixed on the three of them. Maura sat back down, her hand tucked comfortably around Jane's.

x

The hymns and prayers lingered in Jane's mind, words she'd long since abandoned fought for her attention. She stood at the door of the church, her whole body shaking, as she fought through the final part of the formal charade. Stanley, from the Division One café, wrapped both hands around Jane's. She smiled her tensest smile. "Thank you for coming."

The line of mourners continued through officers she barely knew, to a woman who did her mother's hair, to her second cousin, right down to the mailman from when she was a teenager. Each person sent her their wishes, their sympathy. She felt relief when the line ended.

"I'd best get off," Tommy said, waving goodbye to an older woman who babysat them when they were children. He wrapped his arms around Maura, then slung an arm around Jane's shoulder.

A lump formed in the back of her throat, a throat that was too dry. "Already?"

"Gotta get back for TJ."

"But…" Jane fought hard but the lump won and tears trailed down her cheeks.

"I need to be with TJ," Tommy repeated, his voice small and broken. He shrugged, ignoring the tears in her eyes, and headed for the exit.

"Wait." Jane ran out after him. "Tommy. Stop."

His voice barely gained any power. "I've gotta go."

"You need to visit Frankie."

"I _can't_." He shook his head, stopping mid-way down the steps. He dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

" _No_." Jane ran around to his front, and though it put her below him, she stared into his eyes with as much power as someone six foot taller. "I have _no one_ today, Tommy."

He glanced behind her. "You have Maura."

A flash of red. Jane pulled her arm back and thrust her balled fist into the centre of his nose. He stumbled backward and she lunged at him, smacking his arms until he fled the steps and stared at her from the street.

"What the hell, Janie?"

"You asshole," she shouted, tears gushing down her face. "You're a selfish, egotistical little shithead."

"I need to go," he said, gritting his teeth. He held the end of his nose, blood spread across his fingers. Maura sighed and handed him a tissue. He pressed it to his nostril to stem the bleeding. "Thanks."

"Let me look," Maura said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine," he said, shrugging her off.

"You need to leave," Jane shouted, her fist clenched at her side, her temple pulsed. "I _need_ you here. Frankie _needs_ you here."

He looked sorry, but she couldn't see past his words. "I can't."

"I don't care, Tommy. _I can't. But I have to._ "

"Sorry," he said, heading off down the sidewalk. "I'm so sorry."

x

The Dirty Robber was full when she arrived. She stared into the crowd, laughing and joking like they weren't at a wake. She lingered in a corner, barely conscious of Maura disappearing off to the bar for drinks. She hovered in the doorway until Maura guided her towards their usual booth, which was quickly vacated. Jane slouched into a seat opposite Maura and sipped on her beer.

"The service was lovely," Nina said, approaching them, she stood at the end of the table. Jane stared into her eyes and wondered how either of them had ever become so broken. "I know Frankie will be sad he missed it."

"Thank you, Nina," Maura said, squeezing her hand tightly. Jane just stared at her, unable to find the words she needed to say. "I know Frankie appreciates you visiting him in the hospital."

She left the table and Jane stared at Maura. "Frankie doesn't even know she's there."

"You don't know that."

Jane rolled her eyes. "And you do?"

"No." She sighed. Maura glanced around the room. "Korsak is by the bar, perhaps you'd like to speak to him."

"What's the point? He hasn't returned any of my calls since Kiki died."

"He's grieving." Jane stared at her like she'd grown a second head. "It's different, Jane. They'd only just got married."

"Whatever." Jane emptied her beer and stood up, pushing her way through the crowd toward the bar. She could feel Maura's gaze follow her, but ignored it. She picked up an opened bottle of champagne and carried it towards the exit.

On the sidewalk, Jane supped on the bottle, her mind slowly disappearing into an alcohol induced stupor. She perched against a wall, her phony smile appearing every time someone walked past or exited the wake. Eventually, Maura stepped out onto the street.

"Took you long enough."

"I thought you might need some time," Maura said, taking the bottle of champagne and swallowing a mouthful.

Jane stared at her as she held onto the bottle. "Can I have that back?"

"Not until you talk to me."

Jane grinned and stood upright. She leaned forward, pressing her lips roughly against Maura's until she pushed her away. "Spoilsport."

"Now is not the time. Today is hard enough."

She chewed on her bottom lip. "That's not what you said this morning when you let me fuck you with my fingers."

She closed the gap once more, but Maura held a hand out and sighed. " _Jane_."

"I thought this is what you wanted!"

"I wanted to talk."

Jane rolled her eyes and snatched the bottle off her. She ran a hand down the side of Maura's dress, her body's insatiable desire fought with her mind. Maura pushed her hand away. Jane hobbled down the street, her heels made her feet ache, and the alcohol made it difficult to manoeuvre the sidewalk.

"Where are you going?"

"If you won't help me forget I'll go find someone who will."

"Don't be so ridiculous, Jane," Maura said, rushing after her.

A loud grunt escaped Jane's lips. She twisted round and glared at Maura. "You don't wanna kiss me, that's fine. Leave me the fuck alone. I'm going home."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Note** **: Thanks again for reading, commenting, etc. Apparently I have a little more of this written than I thought I did. So maybe the next chapter won't be so far away.**

* * *

"I don't know how to help you," Maura said, climbing into her spare bed beside Jane. The champagne bottle lay on the floor, bubbles soaked into the carpet. Jane turned to face her. Her cheeks pale, streaked with red; her eyes vacant. "I worry."

Scooping her into her arms, Maura held Jane close. Hair fell down across her face. She brushed it aside. Her eyes locked with Jane's, and she froze. Every emotion she felt in recent weeks was encapsulated in that moment of intensity. It took a lot of willpower not to kiss her, not to give in to every feeling she tried to push aside through their grief.

"I'm fine."

"Fine." Maura scoffed. "You haven't been fine since it happened."

"I'm fine," she repeated. Lifting her fingers up to Maura's face, she trailed her fingertips across Maura's lips, and along her chin. "I'm better with you here."

Maura sighed. She leaned forward, until their foreheads pressed together. "Are we ever going to talk?"

"There's nothing to say," Jane said.

"There is a lot to say."

"Stop trying to talk," Jane said, rolling onto her back. "I don't want to talk."

"Well, _I_ do."

"You can't make me."

Maura rested her elbow on her pillow and held her head up. "Don't be so petulant, Jane."

"Don't tell me what to do."

The day had been hard enough; she didn't need Maura's questions. She needed peace. She needed freedom. She needed to let go of the pain handcuffed to her life.

"Something's changed between us and I don't know how to get back."

Jane grunted loudly, pushing herself up in the bed. Her voice was rough, angry. "I told you, I need you to stop asking me about it. Stop making me talk."

Climbing out of the bed, Maura took her nightgown from the floor and slipped in an arm. She placed the champagne bottle back on the nightstand and retrieved a towel from the drawers behind the door, pressing it down on the liquid. She headed for the door.

"You don't have to leave," Jane said, dropping her legs down the side of the bed.

"I'm not sure that I don't," Maura replied, tightening her nightgown and standing in the doorway, her eyes fixed on Jane's. "I'm tired, Jane. The grief is too much, and you're not helping me."

"Welcome to adulthood." Jane stood up, her arms out at her sides. "Nobody's helping me either."

" _Nobody_?" Maura stared at her, holding her gaze until she blinked and her eyes filled with tears. She fled the room, repeating the words loud enough for Jane to hear. " _Nobody_ is helping you."

"Maura!" Jane shouted, rushing around the edge of the bed. She caught her arm in the hallway, wrapped her fingers around her elbow.

"No!" Maura span round, fury burned in her eyes. "Leave me."

Stepping in front of her, Jane blocked her path.

"No. Jane." Tears streamed down her cheeks. Her heart broke and mended in unison. It made little sense.

Tightening her grip around Maura's shoulders, Jane pressed her lips to Maura's. She resisted, but the eyes stared down at her, demanding her attention; the lips forced her to respond. She gave in, weakened by comfort, for the feelings she tried to deny.

"Don't go," Jane whispered, her voice small, almost useless.

Maura tried to push her away, to tell her that it was too late, but the day had taken its toll. Her head said no, but her heart raced with every touch of Jane's skin on her neck. Her body temperature increased and despite fighting it, her breath became laboured. She needed it. She needed Jane.

Jane tangled her fingers around Maura's hand and tugged her back towards the bedroom. She hesitated, then gave in to her desires. "Okay."

x

Waking up a few hours later, the bed was empty. Goose pimples covered Maura's bare skin; a cool draft tickled her body. She pulled the sheets up across her breasts and stared at the empty space. She shouldn't have been surprised. They were not in a relationship; she couldn't expect anything from Jane.

She left the bedroom, wrapping her nightgown back around her body. The house was empty. The back door stood ajar, a small waft of smoke floated past the gap.

Maura, narrowing her eyes, slipped through the gap of the doorway. She followed the smoke out into the yard, where she found Jane perched on a bench, a cigarette in hand. The fruity smell of marijuana surrounded her.

"What do you think you're doing?" She stopped in front of her.

Jane shrugged. "I dunno."

"Where did you get that?"

She twiddled it round in her fingertips. "Found it at Frankie's."

"What was he doing with it?"

"No idea."

"Move over," Maura said, perching on the bench beside her. She took the spliff out of Jane's hand.

"Don't be like that."

"Like what?" Maura placed the roll up between her lips and breathed in. Jane stared at her, like she'd never seen her before.

"Cannabis can aid difficulties sleeping. Besides, it's a one off. Grief is overwhelming, I think we can both catch a break. It won't cause any long term damage."

She handed it back to Jane, who took it into her mouth and breathed in slowly until she coughed and spluttered.

"Why didn't you cough?" Jane asked, resting a hand on her chest and fighting with the influx of smoke on her lungs.

"It's not my first."

"It isn't?" Jane stared at her, confused. "But I thought you'd know the damage."

Maura smiled and took the spliff from her, taking another drag. "I also know the benefits. It's not like I do it every day."

"Only every other day?" Jane asked, laughing.

Smirking, Maura leaned against Jane's arm and took the roll up. "A couple times in life, that's all. I thought you'd have tried it before."

"I have." Jane shrugged. "A friend baked it into cake in high school."

x

Fingers twitched against her palm. The briefest brush of skin against skin. Jane jumped up, her knees locked into place as she stood over her brother. She clutched his hand tightly, desperate to feel the movement again, to feel the hope spread faster through her. She watched his eyelids move, watched the ripple of the skin, anticipating the possibility that he could be about to open them.

"He's awake," she shouted, spinning around. A nurse walking past the doorway stopped and entered the room. She picked up his chart, checked the machine beside the bed, and walked back out without so much as a word. Jane stared, dumbfounded, at the empty doorway, then back at her brother. She slouched into the plastic chair, both hands around one of his. "Come on Frankie, please just wake up."

When the doctor came in a moment later, she was ushered out of the room and away from his side. She stood in the doorway, her fingers wrapped around the frame, digging into the wood like her life depended on it. She chewed on her bottom lip, conscious of the fresh blood she drew quickly. Maura returned to her side, and handed her a plastic cup of fresh coffee.

"What happened? Is he okay?"

She stared into her eyes, desperate to find the words to explain, yet the words wouldn't come. She opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times.

"Is he okay?" Maura asked again, her eyes frantic inside of their sockets.

"I think so," she said, her lips wide, her teeth on show. She tried not to look too enthusiastic. Fear still housed in her heart, mixed with a massive dose of hope. She felt the crease of her eyebrows tugged together, then nursed her coffee. "They need to check."

Side by side, like a matching set, they watched through the doorway. Eventually, the nurse left, and the doctor motioned for them to enter. Jane placed her coffee on the small table at the side of the bed.

"He's awake, we should call Nina," Jane said, her heart flipped. She stepped toward Frankie and stared down at his open eyes. He stared back at her, confusion etched across his face. She reached for his hand but he tugged it away. Her heart ached. Fear spread across his brown orbs, so familiar, and yet clouded in such sadness. "It's okay Frankie, it's me, Jane."

" _Jane_ ," the doctor said, his voice slow, methodical. She could hear the sound of apology in his voice long before he continued. She knew the tone. She'd used it too often. "Please take a seat."

Maura reached for her hand. She perched on the edge of the chair, swallowed a lump that settled uncomfortably at the back of her throat. She clutched Maura's hand, though she knew that even Maura's comforting touch would not soften the inevitable blow.

"He's awake," she said, staring up into the doctor's grey-blue eyes. They were cool, but friendly. Soft, yet hard. She opened her mouth to repeat the words, but allowed the silence to consume her instead.

"Jane, Maura," he said, stepping a little closer. He turned to Frankie, then back to Jane. He sighed. "I'm sorry. We've carried out the tests, we still have to do some scans, but I am certain that the results will not be any more conclusive than what we already suspect."

"Which is?" Maura asked.

"Frankie lost a lot of blood. He was deprived of oxygen for longer than is acceptable. His brain function is considerably lower than that of a full functioning adult. It's doubtful that he will be the person he was before."

Maura gasped and covered her mouth, her hand dropped from Jane's. Jane stared at the doctor. "His eyes are open, he looked at me."

"He has some brain function, but he appears to have no ability to form words, to even try. He cannot follow basic commands. There are things we can do, but it's highly unlikely he will improve enough to consider it recovery."

"So, his body works, but his mind doesn't," Maura said, her voice drifting off into the silence.

Jane stood. Maura rested a hand against her shoulder, which she brushed off. She raced from the room, stopping only as she reached the corridor. She clutched the doorframe again, and crumbled against it. She gasped for air, yet her lungs wouldn't fill quickly enough. A pair of arms tucked around her back and she allowed them to guide her back onto a chair beside the door.

"I'm here," Maura whispered against her ear. Jane rocked against her, tears flowed freely, her heart beat at a pace so fast she wondered how she was even still functioning.

x

The car ride was silent. Maura focused her attention on the road ahead, as the late evening grew dark. She flicked on the headlights. The road lit up. She turned a corner and slowed at a stop light, glancing across at Jane. The light changed to green and they set off again.

"Turn here," Jane said.

Maura put on her blinker. "Why?"

"Just do it."

She drove them along the road through the entrance to a park, the road stopped as it hit an empty parking lot. Maura turned the car around and slowed to a stop, unsure.

"Pull up," Jane said.

She rolled the car back into a spot and switched off the ignition, putting the car into park. "What are we doing?"

Without so much as a word, Jane unbuckled her seatbelt and moved across the central reserve. Taken aback, Maura's lips responded quicker than her brain. Shifting across the space, Jane settled one knee beside her and attempted to move her other across. The horn blared out.

"Fuck," Jane snapped, returning to her seat. She breathed in quickly, every breath harried, her shirt disheveled. Maura reached her hand across the space, she tugged her seat back and climbed over Jane until her knees settled against each thigh.

"Is this what you want?" Maura asked, trailing her lips across her mouth.

Jane nodded, capturing her lips, tugging at the fabric of her dress until it settled around Maura's middle and she was tugging down her underwear. She panted rapidly, her hot breath on Maura's cheek, matching the movement of her fingers against Maura's body. Watching Maura's muffled moans spurred her on. Jane turned her over until she sat over her, she flicked the handle on the seat and they moved backward. Her mouth travelled across her collarbone. Maura's hands retraced steps across Jane's body until she bit down on her neck, desperate to scream but conscious of the less than private space around them.

"We should go," Maura said, lifting the arm of her dress up across her shoulder and rezipping the back. Jane leaned back against Maura's knees and the dashboard, her heart raced.

"Yeah," she said, opening the car door. Maura gripped her wrist, but Jane shrugged it away, running off through the park without a second thought.

"Wait, Jane!"

x

Maura put her car into drive and turned it around, driving a little too fast down the entry road. She took a right at the main road and continued on round the edge of the park towards the far entrance. She pulled up, her eyes fixed on the darkness, watching for Jane to appear in the distance. She waited ten minutes before she gave up and drove home.

She stopped outside Jane's house, but the lights were off. When she finally arrived home, she went inside, her heart racing.

"Jane? Are you here? Where are you, Jane?" she pulled out her cell and dialled Jane's number.

"Sorry I can't take your call right now..."

She tossed the cell down on the couch and groaned loudly, lowering herself down beside it. She sighed. In the blink of an eye everything had got worse. She'd been so hopeful after the funeral that Jane would finally be able to start healing, despite the pain of her brother and father not being there to support her. Now Maura wasn't sure Jane would ever get better. Tears skirted down the edges of her cheeks. She leaned back in her seat and sobbed loudly, her chest ached with every gasp.

After a while, once the tears had subsided, Maura picked up her phone again. She tried Jane's number one more time. When it went to voicemail again, she dialled Nina's number. "Hi, Nina, I'm sorry to call you late."

"It's okay," Nina said, sniffling on the other end of the line.

Her voice wavered. "Have you been to the hospital today?"

She sighed, her voice small and weak. "I went this morning."

"Has Jane called you?"

"No. I haven't heard from her."

Maura nodded her head, despite the fact Nina wouldn't be able to see her. Something clattered outside. Maura walked to the back door and peered out into the darkness.

"Is everything okay?"

A small cat raced across the yard. She pushed the door closed again, forcing her voice to become level and sympathetic. "Yes. _No_. I, I need to talk to you about Frankie."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Notes : Like I said on my other fic, this week has been really busy with work since my colleague didn't come back off an extended holiday. I'm doing allllll the work, it's a bit complicated really. I should be doing 2.5 jobs, but thankfully someone else is doing 1.5 so I only have to do 2. This is finally up, anyway. Not sure when the next chapter will be ready.**

* * *

The apartment smelled like Frankie. She'd walked in there dozens of times since he moved in and not once had she noticed it. The distinct scent of his cheap cologne mixed with laundry detergent that reminded her of her childhood.

Now he smelt of cleanliness.

She dropped the keys on the table by the door and walked tentatively into the room.

Silence.

She wanted to call out to him, to let him know that she was there. But she knew there would be no response.

Perching on the edge of a chair, she glanced around the room repeatedly; a couple of plates sat on the coffee table, along with glasses and a mug. A room lived in, abandoned with no idea it wouldn't be returned to. She picked them up and carried them over to the sink. Water splashed back off the plates, covering her hands. She scrubbed until the dried sauce came loose. She tidied them away and proceeded to clean the kitchen. On a hunt for kitchen cleaner she emptied the cupboards until she was shoulder deep in mess, two newly empty bottles of beer sat on the counter. Everything Frankie owned covered the countertop. Jane soaped and sponged down every surface until there was no hint of dirt left in the room, finishing a six pack in no time at all.

Returning the cups and plates to their rightful space, she moved onto the drawers, then the lower cupboards; finishing off with the floors and the outside of the doors.

She found a bottle of wine and started on that as she went out into the rest of the living space and threw cushions onto the floor. She emptied out the pile of old magazines in a box under the table, and dusted down the surfaces.

A knock at the door pulled her from her work. She'd stripped off her shirt some time ago, leaving only a vest underneath. She swiped the back of her hand across her forehead as she opened the door.

"I thought I might find you here," Maura said, entering the apartment without so much as a hello.

"How?" Jane asked, the alcohol in her system only made her feel sadder.

"I tried your house, I tried my house, I tried BPD. You weren't at the hospital, and you weren't answering your cell. It was the only place left I could think of to look. Thus, knowing I might find you here. Took me nearly twelve hours to realise you might have come here."

"I'm busy," Jane said, leaning over the table and returning to her cleaning, swigging the bottle of wine as she ran a duster across the surfaces.

"I can see that." Maura stood in the doorway, her purse over her shoulder. "You have soap on your forehead."

"I do?" Jane walked over to the mirror and tended to the mess. A dark streak still covered her cheek. She shrugged and went back to the trash bag she'd half filled.

"Is everything okay?"

"Sure," Jane said, holding up the wine bottle. "My ma died, Korsak hates me, my brother's in the hospital, my other brother and father couldn't give a crap about it. Couldn't be better."

"Korsak doesn't hate you. He's grieving."

"Yeah. Whatever."

"I actually meant the cleaning," Maura said. "You don't clean, at least not at your home. The only time you do is when you're stressed."

"I'm fine."

"Would you like some help?" Maura dropped her purse on the floor and rolled up the sleeves of her sweater. Jane rolled her eyes, but she was grateful for the company. She handed over the wine bottle. Maura raised an eyebrow, but took a swig anyway.

Once they'd cleaned the apartment top to bottom, put on two loads of laundry, and emptied out the refrigerator, Jane slouched down on the couch and stared up at the opposite wall. Maura sat down beside her. The wallpaper was peeling away. When Frankie purchased the apartment, he'd done no work, and as far as she was aware, he'd been in no rush to update the place.

"Why don't I order some takeout for lunch?" Maura asked.

Jane narrowed her eyes and sat upright. "Don't you have to be at work?"

"I think the universe understands that I need a break," she said. "There have been no significant deaths in the last two weeks. Besides, I took the morning off to meet Vince."

Jane raised her eyebrows, her eyes darted across to Maura. She opened her mouth but no words came out.

"He's officially retired," Maura said. "He regrets not doing it before Kiki's death. But better late than never."

Ignoring Maura's response, Jane walked across the room towards the wallpaper. She reached up, but couldn't grasp the strip. She stood on her tip toes, but it was still out of reach. Grabbing a chair from the dining table, Jane climbed up onto it and pulled at the corner.

"What are you doing?" Maura asked, standing up. She rushed to her side just in time to stop Jane from wobbling off the chair.

"Place needs redecorating."

Sighing, Maura folded her arms across her chest. "Do you think this is a good idea? You've had a bit too much to drink."

"Not too much. Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" Jane pulled the paper until it came away from the wall, leaving behind it a thin layer of under sheet. "If we have to sell the place to pay his mortgage, or his medical bills, then we should be ready."

"We don't have to rush into this," Maura said.

Reaching up and tugging at another strip of the paper, Jane continued to strip the walls. "No time like the present."

"I thought you'd have wanted to go back to the hospital."

"I need a break."

"So you're going to redecorate Frankie's place?"

"Why not?"

"Jane."

She jumped down, sighing, as she turned abruptly to Maura. "Don't say my name like that."

Taken aback, Maura pressed her fingers to her eyelids and lowered her gaze. "I'm trying to help."

"Why?"

"Why am I trying to help? Because you're clearly a mess and you need me."

"Yeah, _right_ ," Jane said, rolling her eyes. She walked into the kitchen.

"I should have saved her."

The water ran across Jane's hand, growing colder with every second that passed. She stopped moving. A lump formed in the back of her throat which she pushed down.

"Your mother. Angela. I should have saved her."

She stared into the stream of water, unable to find the words to respond. Her mind was blank.

"Are you going to say something?"

"You can help by stripping the wall," Jane said, her voice cold and toneless. She shut off the faucet and carried the washing bowl across the room.

Maura's voice cracked as she spoke. "Did you hear what I said?"

"I heard." She picked up the sponge and spread water across the surface of the paper. "Get over it already, I don't need your fucking guilt to add to my own."

"I," Maura began, but her voice drifted off.

Jane turned around, her eyes steely as she stared into Maura's glistening eyes. She hated herself for making Maura cry. Yet she couldn't bring herself to step forward and apologise. "There's too much to do, so either help, or leave."

Jumping back onto the chair, Jane dug her nail under the paper and pulled another piece away, continuing on until half the damp wall was clear of its under coat. After a few minutes, she turned around, surprised to find that Maura had left, her purse had gone, and Jane was alone.

"Could have got me some more beer before you left, Maur," she said, rolling her eyes.

By the time the sun had set, and the room had grown dark, every square inch of the walls had been cleared. Jane scrubbed down the walls for the third time, removing any excess paper. Tired, and hungry, she stopped for a rest. Sitting down on the couch, she closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened then again, Maura stood in front of her with a pizza box and a case of beers.

She stood up, wishing she could pull her into her arms and kiss her; instead she smiled and accepted a bottle of beer. They sat side by side on the couch.

"Sorry, I'm always a jerk."

"You're not always a jerk," Maura said, opening her bottle and pouring it into a glass. "You've been going through something unimaginable."

Jane sighed and sipped her beer. "Sometimes, for a moment, I forget that it's all really happening. Is that bad?"

"No. If it's how you cope." Maura returned her glass to the table and nibbled on the end of a slice of pizza. "When I struggle with how I'm feeling, I remember that it's probably harder being you."

"Thanks," Jane said, rolling her eyes.

"It gives me perspective; it reminds me to take a step back and acknowledge that you're struggling."

"I'm okay." Maura rolled her eyes. "Don't do that."

"Why not?"

"It doesn't suit you."

"It suits you."

"I know." Jane sighed, swallowing a mouthful of pizza. "I need this."

"Pizza and beer?"

"No."

"The apartment?"

"Yeah." Jane dropped the rest of her slice onto the box and leaned against the couch. "If I stay busy my mind forgets to remember, and for a moment I can pretend that I'm okay."

"I thought you _were_ okay." Jane rolled her eyes again. "I know."

"You always have."

"I haven't." Maura sighed. "It's taken me longer than I would have hoped to understand you. I didn't used to know."

"You've always known better than me."

"I used to be terrible at social interactions, as you well know."

"I think you underestimated your ability to understand other people."

"I think you're trying to placate me."

"If I wanted to do that I'd make you drink more beer."

"I'd drink it, if it meant making you smile."

"Go on then."

Maura lifted her glass to her mouth and sipped her drink. Jane rolled her eyes and held the bottom up, Maura's eyes opened wide and she gulped down every last mouthful until the glass was empty. When Jane pulled her hand away, Maura dropped the glass onto the table and coughed.

"I didn't mean like that."

"It made me smile," Jane said, her lips curving at the edges. "Drunk yet?"

"It's doubtful that such a small amount of beer would render me intoxicated to the point you're suggesting."

"I can't get you naked on the floor yet, then?"

Maura raised an eyebrow. "I'd have thought you'd want more alcohol in your system before you did that."

"Yeah." Jane shrugged. "I don't need alcohol for that."

"I thought you only did it when you were in pain."

"I'm always in pain."

"We never talk about it beforehand; you never suggest you'd like to."

"Yeah."

"Will you ever want to discuss it?"

"Maybe. One day."

"What if I said no?"

"You won't."

"How do you know?"

"I don't."

"I wouldn't say no." Maura leaned in close, her head against Jane's shoulder. "But I do want to discuss it."

"Just not right now," Jane said, leaning in and brushing her lips against Maura's. "I'd rather you help me christen the renovation."

Maura sat back. "Renovation? I thought you were only redecorating?"

"Right now all I've done is strip paper, but tomorrow I'm gonna take the kitchen out."

"Don't you need a qualified electrician and plumber for that?"

"I think you're forgetting I'm a plumber's daughters."

Maura sighed. "I could never forget that."

"I know a few people I can get help from. I want to make the place nice, for when Frankie comes home."

Sitting upright, Maura picked up the empty pizza box and a couple of empty bottles of beer. She stood, trying to find the words to explain without coming across too bluntly. "You know that's unlikely to happen, don't you?"

"I know." Jane cracked another bottle open on the edge of the table. "This is all part of that pretending thing."

"Okay." She carried the box and bottles across to the kitchen counter.

"Maybe tomorrow I'll give it up," Jane said, sipping her drink.

"Or next week..." Maura suggested, stuffing the box into the recycling container.

"You know me too well." She put the bottle back on the table. "Hey, Maur?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for letting me be a jerk, and not leaving me because of it."

She walked around the counter and back toward the couch. "Why would I leave you?"

"Because you deserve better than this."

"I don't want better," Maura said, perching on the edge of her seat.

Jane scoffed. "More fool you."

"Why?" Maura narrowed her eyes. "I'm a grown woman. I know you don't mean to be the way you are; you're hurting. I don't blame you for that."

"You're a far greater woman than I could ever be."

"I love you, what other option is there?"

"What kind of love?"

"What do you mean what kind of love?"

Jane chewed on her bottom lip. "You know what I mean."

Maura stared at the floor. "I think you know how I feel."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

x

The mattress on the floor of the bedroom was lumpy and uncomfortable. Jane wondered how Frankie had ever slept on it, and then she remembered what else he'd likely done on it, and wanted another shower. She covered it with a paint covered cloth ready for being stripped later that day and went into the bathroom. She'd already pulled out the toilet and sink, her next job was the shower.

A knock on the door pulled her away before she could get started. She opened the door, exasperated by the distraction.

"Oh. Maura."

"Can I come in?" Maura asked, the break in her voice betrayed her attempt at composure.

Jane lowered her head, her heart ached. "Sure."

Silence captured every inch of emotion in the room, leaving Jane exhausted. She could see the sadness in Maura's eyes, could hear it in her voice, but she had nothing to say. She couldn't find the words, or the energy, to deal with it right now. She walked into the bathroom, ignoring Maura's cries as she proceeded to pull out the shower curtain and railing.

Struggling to speak, Maura stood in the doorway, on the verge of tears. "Can you take a break?"

Jane stood up, catching Maura's eyes for the briefest moment. It pierced her bubble, forcing Maura's fragile emotions to hit her hard. She dropped the curtain on the floor and stepped forward, capturing Maura's lips, her hand tangled up in her hair. Maura deepened the kiss, powerless to stop.

" _No_." Maura pushed her back, finding assertiveness. "I'm not here for that."

"Come on, Maur," Jane said. "You benefit from it too."

"I _need_ you, Jane," Maura said, barely audibly. She swiped the back of her hand across her cheek. Everything was so difficult. In the blink of an eye everything had changed. Including Jane. " _But you_ _'_ _re not here_."

"What are you talking about? I'm here."

"You're not." Maura leaned forward, her shoulders shook with every gasping sob. "Not the way I need you to be. You're distant. I feel like you're not here at all. I never see you anymore."

The words hit her in the chest. Jane stepped toward her, enveloping her in her arms, pulling herself tightly around Maura's back. She sunk into her embrace, relaxed against her body. Jane trailed her hands across her back.

"I'm sorry. I'm here," Jane said, cupping her cheeks and staring into her face. "I dunno what to say, that's why I don't say anything."

Maura's face crumbled. Jane brushed her tears away and kissed her cheeks, salty droplets coated her lips. She kissed her cheek again, then her nose, her chin, until finally she captured her lips and Maura didn't protest. She pushed her backward out of the bathroom and through into the bedroom. They tumbled backward onto the mattress.

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered, landing on top of her. "This isn't what you wanted."

Ignoring her words, Maura shuffled down on the mattress. She didn't know what she wanted anymore, all she knew was that when Jane touched her, it helped. She pulled Jane's shirt upward and kissed her stomach. "I need you."

Jane lifted her arms. Maura tossed the shirt across the room. She reached down, fumbling with the buckle on Maura's pants, pushing them down around her thighs. Their clothes dishevelled, bodies half covered. Jane kissed her again, pushing her hands up against Maura's breasts. She let out the smallest of moans. Jane trailed her lips across Maura's body where her hands had been moments before, provoking further sounds of elation.

They worked together in silence, only stopping to remove items of clothing. Jane groaned against Maura's mouth, her lips parted as she thrust herself closer. She opened her eyes, staring into Maura's as she watched her tip over the edge, followed a few minutes later by her own orgasm.

Rolling onto her back, Jane stared at the wooden ceiling, her heart racing. She could hear Maura's heavy breaths beside her. She sat up. The clock on the wall read twelve. Too much time had passed. She stood up, gathered her clothes and slipped into them.

"I have a bathroom to finish," she said, rushing out.

Maura lay in silence; her body exhausted both physically and mentally. Grief captured her heart when Angela died and hadn't let it go. She needed Jane, she needed to feel her close, and yet, when it was all over she felt more alone than she'd ever felt before. She curled up into the foetal position, oblivious to the draft that crept across her skin, and cried.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Note** **: Thanks for your patience, I've had bits of this written for a while, it's just piecing it all together. I'm hoping that means the next chapter will be much quicker.**

* * *

Rolling onto her side, Jane opened her eyes and stared across the darkened room. She tried to remember the night before, but it was a blur of alcohol and talking. She remembered rolling into bed with Maura, not long after they'd ordered takeout and drunk two bottles of wine between them.

She rolled back onto her other side and stared at the bare skin of Maura's back. She regretted the inevitable hurt she would cause her, and wished she could tell her as much. She didn't want to admit it, but she knew she'd been upset earlier when she left her alone to finish the bathroom. She moved onto her back and stared at the ceiling. The night hadn't ended. It would stretch out across the darkness like the pain she couldn't push through.

A large part of her wanted to wake Maura, to pull her into her arms and find solace under her touch. Yet another part of her was petrified of what she was doing. She'd taken a step too far, far too many times, and she didn't know how to stop it.

"Jane?"

She sighed. She didn't want to disrupt Maura's sleep. She hated how invasive she had become in her best friend's life, how needy she felt when she was beside her. Trying to remember the last time she'd slept alone was like trying to remember what her first word was. There'd been nights without her, but sleep was impossible.

"Yeah?" she asked, turning her head.

"You awake?"

"Yeah."

"I can't sleep," Maura said, twisting around until her eyes stared across at Jane's and she was trapped under their gaze.

"Me neither."

"I think I've seen every hour."

"I've seen every half hour," Jane said, breathing in deeply, then exhaling noisily. She turned back to Maura, twisting her body round until she was inches from her. The heat of her body in the bed made it feel warmer than it probably was. She inched forward, unsure, yet confident. She stared into her eyes, searching for any hint of Maura's own feelings on the matter. "Frankie's moving to a facility."

"Oh. When?"

"Couple weeks. Am I doing the right thing?"

"I don't know."

"I can't do it, Maura," she said, shaking her head. She averted her gaze. "I can't afford to stop working to take care of him. The pay-out he'll get won't stretch far enough for that. It's my only option."

Maura sighed. "I can help."

"It's not your financial burden to carry."

"I don't see why not." She rested her elbow on the pillow and propped up her head. "He's the closest I have to a brother."

"Maybe in a decade when his insurance and pension run dry," Jane said. "But not right now."

"If it would mean you could take some time to think about it, to weigh up your options."

"I weighed up my options." She closed her eyes and refocused on every methodical breath. "I love him. He's my little brother. But I can't care for him, not the way he needs, not for the rest of his life."

"I'm sure the facility will be sufficient."

"Thank you," Jane said, inching even closer. She leaned forward, her nose practically touching Maura's across her pillow. "You've been here, I've been a bitch, I don't even know how to thank you."

"You don't need to. You're family."

"Family." Jane scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Why did you do that?"

"Why not?"

"Don't be so facetious."

"Sorry."

"Losing the people you love matters, but so do the people who are left behind." Maura lowered her head, her eyes filled with sadness. "The more you act like you're alone, and pretend that none of this is happening, the longer this will go on."

"I'm not pretending it's not happening."

"Yes, you are."

"We're literally talking about it."

"Not that."

" _Oh_."

Their noses collided. The slightest movement, Jane closed her eyes and succumbed to the softness of Maura's nose rubbing against her own. She breathed in and relished the moment of comfort. Even the slightest touch could do amazing things now. She didn't quite know how. Her whole body came alive.

"You're making me hot," Jane said, her breath becoming more laboured. She felt her chest rise and fall with every deep breath. She leaned closer, brushing her lips against Maura's until she responded, her lips parted, her tongue danced across Jane's mouth.

"The more we do this, the harder it is to stop."

"Keep on doing it," Jane said, nibbling her bottom lip. She twisted her fingers through the tendrils of her hair, and down along the back of her neck, trailing her fingers over bare skin. She lifted her knee and pushed it between Maura's legs, rolling her over onto her back as the pressure pressed down on her. Maura's fingers grasped at her body and she groaned, a small squeal escaping her lips. "Fuck."

"We need to talk about this," Maura said, pulling Jane briefly from the tingling sensation spreading across her whole body. Her eyes rolled back a little in her head.

"Soon. Just let me get through the next couple weeks." She tucked her ankle around the back of Maura's thighs and held her steady as she thrust herself against her skin. "It feels too good, just another, one more."

The faster she moved, the more her body reacted and the harder it was to find conscious thought. She tried to consider what she needed to say, if Maura asked the questions she'd already asked a few times. But she pushed them away as her groin ached, bulging with pressure and excitement.

"Ahh," she moaned, gripping her hand around Maura's wrist as their bodies moved together. She chewed on her bottom lip to stop herself from screaming. When she fell back against the bed, she remembered there was no one around to stop herself from screaming for. She moaned and groaned with every continued action. She returned the favour, her hands moved across Maura's skin, pushing her closer to the edge that Jane was already teetering on. When she felt the overwhelming feeling of orgasm, Jane lay down against Maura's body, staring into her eyes. She could see the lack of fulfilment in her eyes and felt the disappointment she knew would come if she didn't do something soon. Grinning, she trailed her lips down across her skin, nibbling and tugged, her tongue danced over her sensitive skin.

"The more," Maura said, in between gasps and groans. "You do that. The harder it is. To talk."

"I know."

"Don't keep doing this." Jane changed it up. Maura sighed. "That. Do that."

A few moments later, Maura's whimper became a moan followed by the loudest scream she'd ever heard. A sound infiltrated her ears so low that Jane wasn't even sure it came from Maura at all. When she collapsed against her a few moments later, Jane captured her lips again. "No more."

"Okay."

She scurried up the bed back to the pillow and lay down, side by side with Maura, naked, gasping for breath. She closed her eyes, forgetting for the briefest of moments the difficult decision she had to make, and the conflicting emotions spreading between her heart and brain.

When she opened her eyes again, the sun was shining through the gap in the curtain. She rolled onto her side. Maura slept, her mouth parted, her cheeks flush from their night of love making.

"How do I keep doing this without hurting you?" she asked, tucking a strand of hair behind Maura's ear. Some days she thought she could do this forever, and others she wondered why this was the reaction she'd got from losing her mother. Today she would get up, shower, and meet the owners of the institution her brother would live out the rest of his days in. She knew, deep down, that it was the only option she had. Yet she still felt incredibly heartbroken. She'd spent the last few weeks thinking she'd lost one person that night, when in actual fact she'd lost two. She just didn't know it yet. In the blink of an eye half of her family had been wiped out, and she didn't know how to bring the rest back together. Loneliness was a weird thing, so tangible, and yet so fragile, so broken, so difficult to capture. She didn't know what she would do now, how she would live, not when she'd lost the most important people.

She climbed out of bed and headed for the shower.

x

The bed was empty when Maura woke up. Again. She fought so hard not to cry that she chewed a hole in her cheek, leaving her in pain when she sipped her first coffee of the day. She arrived at Boston Police Department early. She worked all day, taking a break only for lunch. By late afternoon, Maura retreated to her office.

"It's late," Kent said, standing in the doorway to Maura's office.

She sat upright. Her head ached but it barely bothered her as much as the pain in her chest. "I've got paperwork."

"There's been three murders, and twenty six other bodies through here in the last week."

"I have reports."

"Maura, you're working yourself to the bone."

"I took the afternoon off yesterday."

"So? You need to pass some cases over to Pike and the others." He moved forward, perching on the chair opposite her desk. "I hate to see you like this. You're clearly in pain."

She gritted her teeth, clenching her fists on the desk. "Do not diagnose me."

"Wasn't trying to," Kent said, leaning forward. "I'm worried."

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

"Do not tell me what you think I am," Maura said, closing her laptop and standing up. She reached for the bag under her desk. "I'm working. Please do not disturb me unless it's important."

"It is important. _You_ are important."

"I have a job to do, and unless you'd like to be replaced, I suggest you leave me to do it."

He sat back, his arms folded across his chest. Maura stuffed her laptop into the bag, ducking under the desk to find the electric cable. "I won't stop trying to help you."

"Then you can clear your things," Maura said, resurfacing and placing the cable into her bag and resting it on her shoulder. "I'm going home."

x

The confession box felt like an old friend. The smell of the wood reminded her of being dragged there by her mother, the stained cushion a gentle reminder not to sit. Jane perched on the wooden seat and closed her eyes, crossing her hand across her chest. She had been several times in the last few days, and yet it felt as lacking a routine as it ever had.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

"Go ahead," Father Thomas said, his voice soft and warm, just like she remembered.

She cleared her throat. The words were in her brain. She could find them; it would just take some time. "I've hurt someone I love. I haven't seen her in days, and I know that's my own doing. I crossed a line, I offered her hope, and instead left her when she needed me most."

"Let us not pretend here, Jane," he said. "You are not here to confess; you are here to offload how you're feeling. The Lord will not turn you away."

She sighed. "I just wanna know, I guess, do you ever wonder if you made a mistake?"

"With what?"

"Everything."

"That's a lot to regret, Jane," Father Thomas said. "I know you've had trouble adapting to your current situation. What is it that is particularly troubling you?"

"If I wasn't a cop then none of this would have happened." She clenched her hands, grasping at the edges of her pockets, her fingernails digging into her skin. She did not want to cry. Not again. "Ma would still be alive. Frankie wouldn't be…trapped in his own body."

"What about the friends you made?"

"Vince hates me. It's my fault his wife died, on their wedding day. I should have protected them. It's on my head."

He cleared his throat. "Did you pull the trigger?"

"No." 

"Then it's not your fault."

"If I wasn't a cop," she said, her emotions betrayed her. She took a moment to recapture her composure. "None of this would have happened. It's my fault."

"I wondered when we would reach the crux of your issue," he said, his voice grew louder. Jane glanced up at the window. She could see him moving. "And Maura, would you like to have never met her?"

"Don't." She stood up on the other side. She rested her hand on the wood and stared through the tiny gaps. She couldn't see him, but she could hear his breathing. "I can't think about her right now."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, Jane."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"You say the Lord has plans, He decides what's gonna happen, when we're taken back to Heaven. But why?" Leaning forward, the wood felt cold against her forehead. "Why did he have to take Ma and Kiki? They didn't deserve this. Neither of them deserved to be killed like that. Frankie doesn't deserve to be trapped. Why is it mysterious? Why can't he tell me why the fuck he decided it was okay to leave my brother in a fate worse than death?"

"Jane, please."

She banged her fist on the partition, her voice raised. "I wish Frankie had died with the others. At least then he wouldn't be a shell. I sit in front of him and he's there but he's not. My brother died that day. If God is so wonderful then why did he let this happen? Why didn't he take him too? All Frankie ever wanted was to be a good person, to do the right thing. He died saving everyone, but God didn't take him."

Silence. Jane lowered herself back onto the wooden seat. Tears pricked at her eyes. She couldn't handle the pain; it was too much. When Father Thomas spoke again, Jane held her breath, anything to ward off the threat of tears.

"It's not always easy to see the reasons."

"There are no reasons!" she shouted, a slave to her emotions. Anger gave way to tears.

"There are."

"Then tell me what they are," she shouted, staring up at the ceiling, tears streaming down her cheeks. "God, why won't you tell me why you did this?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Note** **: Thanks to those who are still here, I know this is a difficult one, even more so than Heavy in many way. I'm just thankful some of you are enjoying it. It's the hardest story I've had to write, so I appreciate your thoughts and comments.**

* * *

The body lay on the table, prepared for autopsy, before Maura even walked in the door. Kent appeared with a clipboard, Dictaphone, and the box of latex gloves. She marched past him and into the room where she changed into her scrubs. She tied her hair back and returned to the examination room. Kent hadn't moved.

"I thought I told you to leave," she said, taking a pair of gloves and snapping them over her hands. She picked up a scalpel.

"I won't interfere again," Kent said, walking around to the other side of the body. "I'm here for you, Maura, if you need someone to talk to. That's all I really wanted you to know."

He dropped the box on the counter behind the gurney and placed the clipboard on the tray beside her. He headed for the exit before Maura stopped him.

"Thank you, Kent," she said, forging a smile. She nodded and he nodded back. "You can help, if you'd like."

"You sure?"

"Yes. While you're here, I'd like to run something by you."

"Go ahead."

x

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," Jane said, sitting down in the confessional once again. "Yesterday I was angry and I spoke, I said things that were…you know what, I don't think I was out of line for saying what I said."

"Jane," Father Thomas said, his voice higher. She stood up and stared through the tiny window gaps. "The Lord understands your anger; he understands your pain. It's how you act now that matters. Your actions in the face of great difficulty make a great person, and the Lord is watching, waiting."

Jane dropped onto the wooden seat and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm tired."

"Tired?"

"So tired of living," she said, resting her elbows on her knees and rubbing her eyes. "I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of my life."

"The Lord is watching, Jane," he said. "He has faith that you can come through this period. But you also need to have faith in yourself."

"That's the problem, I don't. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"Live like this."

"Are you…" he paused. Father Thomas's voice was more fragile than Jane had ever heard it. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

" _No_." Jane shook her head. "I can't go to work every day knowing what I've done, knowing what I let happen. If God thinks I'm destined for great things, it's not that."

"Then what?"

"Dunno."

"How is Frankie?"

"He's…the same." Jane closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Father Thomas' breath. "He's moving to a facility. He's…he needs me and I've given up on him."

"I very much doubt that."

"Feels like it."

"Have you spoken to the woman you said cares about him?"

"Nina?" She sighed. "I dunno how to."

x

A clang reverberated around the room which sent Maura into a heightened sense of insecurity. She dropped her medical bag by the front door and picked up a golfing umbrella, her only source of defence. She tiptoed into the lounge and through to the kitchen area.

"Fucking shit balls." Jane appeared from under the sink, a wrench in one hand, her other wrapped around a cut on her elbow, droplets of blood spread across her skin. She dropped the wrench on a dirty rag on the tiled flooring. "Where'd you move your first aid kit?"

There were no words sufficient, so Maura returned the umbrella to the pot by the door and picked up her bag. She placed it on the kitchen counter and searched for an alcohol wipe and a band aid.

"Thanks," Jane said, pulling the wipe out of the packet and wiping it across the bloody skin of her arm. She hopped up onto a stool to apply the band aid. "You got here at a good time."

"Did I?" Maura stared at her, hopeful that Jane would provide her with an answer without her needing to ask questions. But no answer came. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

She glanced at the kitchen sink, the pipes beneath it scattered across the floor. The faucet was on its side on the counter top. "It looks like you're invading my kitchen to do DIY."

"Thought I'd replace your sink."

Maura sighed. "Pray tell, why do you think my sink needs replacing?"

"You said the faucet was annoying you."

"Three months ago. I had someone come. He tightened a component and it's been fine since." Maura dropped her medical bag on the floor beside her desk and opened a bottle of wine. She poured herself a glass and sipped it continually until she could control her mounting anger. "My sink does not need replacing, Jane."

"It's no trouble," Jane said, returning to the sink. She crouched down and reached underneath.

"Jane, _stop_ ," Maura whispered. She pressed her fingertips to her temples and rubbed in the hope it would ward off the impending headache. "I don't need a new sink. Stop."

"Just a sink, Maur." Jane picked up the wrench and disappeared underneath once more. She grunted loudly, and came away with another piece of the pipework. "I've nearly uninstalled it."

Standing a little taller, Maura downed her glass of wine. She stared at Jane. "Where's the new sink? How long will it take to install?"

"Shit." Jane pushed herself up and jumped to her feet. She walked over to her jacket on the back of the couch and pulled out her car keys. "I knew I was forgetting something."

"You don't even have a replacement?"

"Technically speaking, no."

Maura closed her eyes and counted to ten. The attempt at settling her frustrations failed miserably and she poured herself some more wine. "Jane. You need to leave."

"Don't be like that. I need this. I've been the worst friend. I just want to make it up to you. I quit my job, I need to do more than Frankie's kitchen to build up a portfolio and you needed your sink fixing."

"A portfolio for what?" Maura asked, then backtracked slightly. "Wait, you quit being a detective? When?"

"This morning. Give me thirty minutes and I'll get you a new sink."

"I don't want a new sink," Maura said, the volume of her voice grew louder until she was almost screaming. "Stop trying to fix everything. It's not broken. You can't fix your broken life by taking out my sink. You can't fix us. You need to get out of my house before I throw you out."

Startled, Jane stared at her, her eyebrows curved downward. Moisture glistened beneath her eyes and Maura felt her resolve crumble. She needed some time alone, yet every time Jane got upset, she couldn't help but forgive her.

" _Fine_." Jane picked up the wrench, pipes and rag and threw them into the space under the sink. She stood up and marched towards the door. "Fix your own damn sink."

"Jane, wait," Maura said, her voice returned to a normal volume. She could feel her heart racing, the desire to fix the fracture between them only increased. Stepping forward, Maura reached out to Jane's arm. "Please. Don't go. Talk to me."

"I don't know how to talk anymore," Jane whispered, pawing at her cheeks. "I need to fix this but I don't know what to do."

"We don't have to talk," Maura said, staring into Jane's tearstained eyes. She hated herself for doing it, but she was so frustrated. She needed a release. She trailed her fingers down Jane's arm, gripping her hand. She stepped in close, trailed her lips across Jane's mouth. She glanced towards the stairs and back at Jane. "Stay for a while longer. Please."

x

Maura rolled onto her back, her heart raced and her body tingled with the aftermath of orgasm. She interlinked her fingers with Jane's and lay there, picturing the world she wished she lived in. An alternate reality where she and Jane were together and Angela, Kiki and Frankie were okay. She hated herself for giving in to temptation, to forgiving Jane time and time again.

"I haven't told Nina about Frankie," Jane said, lying on her side. "She should know, shouldn't she?"

"Nina and Frankie were not in a relationship, but..." Maura reached her fingers out and cupped Jane's cheek.

"I know, but she loves him."

"She does. Why did you quit your job?"

"I…dunno."

"I'm going to see Korsak tomorrow," Maura said, lowering her hand. "You should come. He'd like to see you."

Jane closed her eyes. "Don't lie."

"If you and him would just be in the same room together, if you'd just talk."

"He hates me." Jane burrowed her face into the nape of Maura's neck. "I'm busy tomorrow."

"Doing what?"

"Fixing your sink for a start," Jane said, nuzzling her nose against Maura's skin. "I need to go and see Frankie, and Father Thomas. I need to tell Nina that Frankie's moving."

"Okay." Maura tucked a hand around Jane's back and held her close. A lump formed in the back of her throat. Every step forward felt like a mountain climbed. But she knew the next set back would be just as big.

x

The chasm between them felt greater than a metre. The machines in Frankie's hospital room had been replaced by an IV and he was moved out of the ICU. It made sense, given the situation, but Jane felt disappointed in the changes. Nina clung to Frankie's hand on the other side, his most regular visitor, according to the woman who came to change Frankie's diaper.

"He won't be here for much longer," Jane said, staring at Frankie's eyes, which stared ahead of him like neither she, nor Nina, were in the room.

Nina gave his hand a squeeze and he turned his head. A crease formed between his brows. She glanced at Jane, her eyes glistened under the dull hospital lighting.

"When? To where?"

"There's a facility out in Lawrence."

"Thirty miles away?" Nina stood up, tears trailed down her cheeks. "You're sending him out of Boston?"

"It's a good facility," Jane said, standing on his other side. "They have an excellent care package."

"So?"

"So, Frankie needs the best care!"

"Frankie needs his family and friends."

"He's not exactly got many of us left," Jane said, shrugging her shoulders.

Nina's voice grew louder. "Why didn't you ask me?"

"I don't need to. You're not his fucking family."

"You're saying my feelings don't matter?" She stared at Jane, her eyes wide. "Who's the person who has been by his side since he got hurt? Who shaves him twice week? Who feeds him ice chips when he groans because the aircon isn't turned on?"

"I've been here," Jane said, gritting her teeth. "I've been doing the best I fucking can. Don't pretend that you love him more. If you loved him so much, why didn't you ever tell him?"

"Stop cursing at me, Jane." She moved around the bed. Jane followed suit, until she was square up in front of Nina. "Stop treating me like I don't matter in any of this. I'm going to be the person who will visit him every week. Where will you be Jane? Hey? Shacking up with Maura in Frankie's apartment? Or drinking yourself into an early grave?"

"It's none of your fucking business what I do with my life."

"It is when you act like I don't matter."

"I," Jane began, but they were both cut off. Frankie tossed his arm against the side of the bed and let out of a loud piercing squeal that evolved into a groan, until tears coursed down his cheeks. She returned to his side and ran a hand across his cheek. "It's okay, Frankie, I'm here. It's Jane. I'm here."

He tossed his arms out again and pushed her away. The brunt force of his arm smashing into her chest sent her stumbling backwards until she fell to the ground. She sat on the floor, staring at him, confused.

"You're scaring him," Nina said, rushing to his side and whispering in his ear. She pressed her thumb against his palm, circling it repeatedly until he quietened down. She glared at Jane, shaking her head. "This is what you've missed out on when you've been elsewhere. This is what you don't see. It's not the first time and they say it won't be the last. But you being here and shouting, it makes him worse. You can send him to Lawrence, but you can't put him in an institution and forget that he exists."

Closing her eyes, Jane's heart raced in her chest. Every word spoken was a truth she wasn't willing to hear. She'd barely been to see Frankie of late, and it had played on her mind repeatedly. She lowered her head and climbed to her feet.

She swiped her hand across her cheek. Nina ignored her. Jane stood in the doorway for a moment, watching the way Nina treated her brother, with the most care and respect than even many of the nurses.

"I'm sorry." She turned tail and headed for the exit.

x

"Professor McAllister is ready for you," Kent said, sticking his head around the examination room door.

Maura hesitated. The scalpel in her hand was in the middle of cutting out a small intestine. She lifted it up and shrugged her shoulders.

Kent walked across the room. "I'll finish up."

"It's okay," Maura said. "I'll finish. Ask Professor McAllister to wait."

Kent stared at her, the crease between his eyebrows deepened. "You can't put this off, no matter how scary it may be. I'll ensure the body is protected ahead of the rest of the autopsy."

She hesitated, and returned the scalpel to the tray. Kent pulled on a pair of gloves. Maura disposed of her own and exited the room. It was now or never.

x

The knock on the office door startled Maura. She lifted her gaze from the computer screen; her research had distracted her for quite some time, so much so that she hadn't noticed it reach five in the evening.

"Can I help you?" she asked. Kent stalked across the room, his eyes trained on her, expectantly. She raised an eyebrow, yet he still didn't speak. She sighed. "I got it."

" _Yes_!" Kent's balled up fist flew through the air. He leaned across her desk, his flat palm high in the air. She merely stared at it. "High five? No?"

She tilted her head to one side and smacked her palm against his outstretched hand. A smirk formed, which quickly faded.

"Don't look like that," he said. "You deserve this Maura."

"It's not that." She switched off her computer and stood up. "Jane took Frankie to the facility in Lawrence today; I'm not looking forward to telling her my news."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Note** **: Thanks to you all, you're so lovely, and I am so grateful for you. I think there's 2 more chapters after this one. I thought there's be just 1 more, but apparently another chapter sneaked in there. It's back to work for me tomorrow, which will make the writing thing a little more challenging. Not least because I'm working late on Thursday. I don't know when the last two chapters will come, but hopefully soon.**

* * *

The call came in at midnight. A call not unlike many before it. Maura pulled a fresh pair of panties on underneath the dress from the day before, scooped up her cell phone and drove a couple of blocks up the street. If anything, Jane was doing her a favour.

"Thanks for coming," Jane said, holding the door open.

Maura stared into her eyes, her dark brown irises wide and aloof. She wondered if Jane would ever come back to her, the Jane from before, the Jane whom she fell in love with all those years ago. The Jane she wished had healed faster, had healed better.

"When you're in pain," Maura whispered, stepping across the threshold. "What else can I do?"

She resisted the urge to say more. She was a servant by choice, unable to resist the requests of her master. At least once more. She turned around, her cell in one hand, her keys in the other. She placed them on the kitchen counter.

"Are you okay?"

Jane shook her head, her gaze fixed on the tiles beneath her feet. She slid her bare toes across the natural grey stone. The chasm between them had increased tenfold. Maura opened her mouth and closed it again. She swallowed, a lump settled in the back of her throat, stuck.

"Frankie's in Lawrence." She sighed heavily; her chest rose and fell slowly. "I don't know if I did the right thing. Nina hates me."

"Nina will get used to the situation," Maura said, well aware of Nina's pain. Unlike Jane, she'd seen her several times over the last two weeks. "She loves him enough; she won't give up on him."

"S'pose not." Jane lifted her eyes and fixed on Maura. She stared back, the lump barely settled down. "Thank you. For not giving up on me."

The space between them disappeared as Jane stepped towards her. Maura kept her eyes on Jane's, her heart beat faster. Sometimes she said the right things. The silence between them was disrupted by the speed of Maura's breath, so loud over the sound of Jane's heart beating. Jane gripped her hand and lifted it to her chest. In her grasp, Jane's heart thrummed.

"This doesn't change anything," Maura said, lowering her head until her forehead rested against Jane's.

"There's nothing to change." Jane leaned forward and captured her lips. In the moment that followed, Maura resisted the urge to stop her and joined her in her dance. "I've needed this for days."

"Me too," Maura replied, sliding her tongue between Jane's mouth and deepening the embrace. She pushed forward, her whole body inches from Jane's.

All that Maura could hear was the thrumming of their hearts beating side by side, racing along to the beat of their actions. Jane's fingers trailed down her thigh and back up, under her dress. She hooked her finger around Maura's panties and tugged them down. Maura bunched her dress up and thrust her hips forward, grasping at Jane's shoulders, grinding her body against Jane's.

"We shouldn't," Maura said, everything that had happened over the last two weeks spiralled around in her mind, knocking her sick. She lifted her hands, forcing Jane to step back. "We can't."

"Why not?" Jane asked, capturing her mouth again. She nibbled softly on Maura's bottom lip and lifted her up.

She wrapped her legs around Jane's thighs. Blood coursed through her veins, sending a pulse down her body, a tingling sensation weakened her knees. "I…I don't…know."

She resisted again. Lost in the heady scent of Jane's body, letting her know she was ready for her. She kissed her deeply, her fingers tangled up in Jane's hair as she laid her down on the couch in the study. Maura writhed under her, lost in the moment, her body burned with every touch.

x

There was something about Maura's attempt to stop that unsettled Jane. Usually she would protest, then give in, but her words were different and Jane tried to find the words to ask, but Maura was already screaming beneath her. By the time they were both naked, their bodies tangled up in a mess of bodily fluids and sweat, the thought had drifted off into her orgasm and Jane was gasping for breath.

"You wanna go again?" Jane asked, trailing her finger in circles across Maura's breast. She chewed on her lip. "Know it's late but I could go five rounds."

"No." Maura's eyes had glazed over. Her warmth had been replaced by a look of sorrow. "I need to speak with you."

Now. She was choosing now. The moment after they'd orgasmed, one after the other, attuned to each other's bodies in a way Jane never knew possible. She shifted her position on the couch. The space was limited, but Maura's body felt colder now.

"I should go to bed," Jane said, lifting the blanket up off the back of the couch and wrapping it around her shoulders.

"Five minutes." Maura sat up, her eyes fixed on Jane's. Jane slouched into the chair beside Maura. She climbed off the couch and knelt on the chair, one knee beside each thigh. Jane stared down at the body facing her. "That's all I need. Then we can go again."

Distracted by her nipples, inches from her mouth, Jane listened to the methodical breaths coming from Maura's body.

"I'm leaving." She lifted her eyes to Maura's, her heart beat faster. "I've been offered a job at Stanford."

Jane gulped, forcing herself to stay fixed on Maura's eyes. "California?"

"Yes."

She tried to ask more questions but the words got stuck in her throat, lost in the lump that wouldn't move. She lifted her hands up to Maura's cheeks and held her there. She shook her head and pushed her off her lap.

"What the fuck, Maura?"

Maura stumbled backward, landing on her backside on the carpet. She stared at Jane, even most lost and distant than when she'd walked in the house. Jane stood over her, her chest ached. She ran her hands through her own hair and turned around in a circle.

"You can't do this. You can't leave me alone. I can't be alone. Don't do this to me. Why are you hurting me? You think you can just come over here and have sex then drop a fucking bombshell?" She stopped walking and stared down at her again. "You can't. You can't. You fucking can't."

Crawling across the floor, Maura reached for Jane's legs. "Please, don't be upset. I love you."

"If you love me so fucking much why are you leave?" Jane dropped to the ground, her knees smashed against the floor. She leaned forward and cupped Maura's cheeks. "If you love me so much, why are you doing this to me?"

Maura lowered her gaze. "I'm sorry. This isn't about you. I do love you, you know that. But I can't be responsible for you, Jane. I can't sit around and watch you fall deeper and deeper. I can't be the one to catch you when you won't let go."

Her arms slouched down at her sides. Jane leaned down onto the floor, her cheek pressed against the carpet. In the blink of an eye, her voice had lost all tone. Tears skirted down her face and landed on the material. She pushed her face into it. "You're not sorry. You're not sorry. You don't care. You've never cared. You're an icicle. It's all a lie. You're not fucking sorry."

Swiping at her own cheeks, Maura breathed slowly. She ran her fingers across Jane's back. Jane jerked at Maura's touch, then succumbed to the feeling quickly. "I'll only be in California. We can stay in touch. I'll phone you every day. You can come and visit."

"You can't leave me," Jane mumbled, her shoulders shook harder against the floor. "Don't do this to me. Haven't I lost enough?"

Sitting back against her feet, Maura let go of Jane's body. She cleared her throat and slowly climbed to her feet. Jane could feel the distance open up, metaphorical as well as physical. She rolled onto her back and stared into Maura's eyes.

"You've lost more than anyone should have to lose in a lifetime," Maura said, her voice icier than she'd ever heard it. "But I cannot be your punching bag anymore. It's been months. You've fallen apart and I tried, I've tried to be there for you. But you don't see it, and I can't do it anymore. I'm done, Jane. I'm done."

She turned around, pulling on her dress as she headed for the door. Jane tried to sit up, to speak, but an overwhelming feeling of emotion flooded her until she could barely breathe. She rolled back onto her front and sobbed against the carpet. When the front door closed behind Maura, her heart smashed into a million tiny pieces.

x

Standing in his doorway, Maura walked into Korsak's arms and let him envelop her as she crumbled. As difficult as it had been to say what she needed to say to Jane, nothing was as difficult as waking up the next morning with a weight on her chest leaving her with a feeling that she'd done the wrong thing.

"It's what you needed to do," Korsak said, placing a mug of tea on the table in front of her. He sat opposite. "Jane can't keep on like this. You know it, and deep down she knows it."

"Maybe if you'd just talk to her," Maura said, sipping the hot liquid. "Mmm. Camomile."

"I thought it would be calming." He cleared his throat. "You know I can't do that, Maura. I'm still grieving. I don't wanna feel it, but there's still resentment. I'm working through it. I need more time."

"I know." Maura settled into the chair. She closed her eyes and listened to the gentle sounds of the world around her. "I'm sorry for bringing this to you."

"Nonsense," Korsak said, patting her on the knee. "You've been my rock, and unlike Jane, I've appreciated every single thing you've done for me."

x

The elevator ride took longer than Jane expected. She ran out of the doors before they'd opened and sped into Maura's office. She skidded to a halt. A lump formed in the back of her throat.

"You okay?" Kent asked, appearing behind her.

Jane turned, her eyes bugged. "Where's Maura? Why's her office empty?"

"I expect she'll be on her way to the airport," Kent said. "She cleared her things yesterday."

"The airport?" Jane frowned. "Already?"

"It's been a fortnight," he said. "They won't keep the job open any longer than that."

Jane's heart beat so fast that she couldn't breathe. She leaned forward, her hands rested on her knees. "This can't be happening."

Kent placed a hand on her back. "She went to Korsak's this morning, she might still be there."

Jane stood upright. Her chest ached almost as much as the day her mother died. She stared at Kent. She cupped his face and pressed her lips against his cheek. "Thank you. Thank you."

x

Fresh tears coursed down Maura's cheeks and her whole body felt like it was about to crumble again. Korsak's arms tucked around her back settled her only briefly. She hated how much she'd cried, but her life was about to change in so many ways and she wasn't yet ready to say goodbye to the people she loved.

"I'm sure gonna miss you," Korsak said, wiping her tears away with his thumb. "I love you, and I know Kiki would be so grateful that you've been here for me since she passed."

"She would be so proud of how you've handled it," Maura said, kissing the back of his hand. "Please do one thing for me."

"What's that?"

"Make up with Jane. Please." Maura held his face still. "You need her as much as she needs you."

"I know." He shook his head. "I just need more time."

"Don't leave it too long, she won't stick around forever."

" _Like you_?"

Maura turned around. Jane stood at the end of the yard. Her face was red, her cheeks raw with tears. Maura longed for Jane to say the things she needed her to say, but the look in her eyes told her another story.

"How did you know I was here?" Maura rolled her eyes. "Kent."

"You're leaving without even saying goodbye?" Jane stared at her. She stepped forward. "You're gonna get in your fucking car and disappear, just like that?"

"That's not what's happening," Maura said. "Last night was…"

"All I get." Jane shook her head, her eyes burned with anger. "You tell me you're leaving then you fuck right off to California without a word? That's what I deserve after all these years?"

Maura closed her eyes and marched past Jane. "We both deserve more."

"You're fucking right we do."

Jane reached for her arm, but Maura shrugged her off. "Don't do this, Jane. Last night was…it was all I have the energy to give you."

"And if I hadn't called you, what then?"

"I was going to visit you today," Maura said, shaking her head. "Before you called, you were going to be my last visit."

"And give me five fucking minutes to get used to the idea?"

"Stop cursing at me, Jane." Maura glared at her, an ounce of hatred pushed itself into her words. "Stop treating me like I'm the one who's caused you months of pain. I didn't kill Angela. I didn't make you into this person."

"Don't go," Jane whispered, her voice laced with tears, defeated. She reached her arm out to Maura's and trailed her fingers across her wrist. "You can't leave me."

"I'm sorry." Maura pushed her arm away and headed for the car. "I'm sorry, but it's too late."

x

Jane opened her mouth to speak but she was too worked up. She watched in silence as Maura returned to her car and drove off down the street.

"You can't," Jane said, her voice grew louder as she shouted after Maura's car. "You can't fucking leave me!"

She collapsed to the ground. Grass tickled her knees and she trailed her fingers through the greenery, gasping for air. She sat back once the initial wave of emotion dissipated slightly. She turned to the front door, to Korsak, who stared at her, even further apart than Maura. She climbed to her feet and walked towards him, but before she could reach his front door, it slammed shut.

* * *

 **AN : I'm sorry, but Jane needed to hit the bottom.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author Note : Well, here we are, the penultimate chapter. Work has been a little stressful this week, which is why it's taken me so long to get this done. I hope I'll be quicker with the final chapter, and with the next chapter of Bartender. I just don't have as much down time right now. I can't believe this one is nearly over.**

* * *

Nearly nine hours of travelling was enough to leave Maura exhausted and somewhat regretful. Whilst she'd seen Frankie a few days before her departure, she wished she'd visited one more time. Though the act of sharing Jane's bed had been a farewell she enjoyed, the fight afterwards, and the fallout later, made her heart ache. There were too many 'what ifs' running through her mind to appease her, and what sleep she had on the plane was fraught. She regretting taking checked baggage when she landed on the other side. Though it was only early evening, she was still three hours ahead, and all she wanted to do was crash.

"I'm Doctor Isles," she said, approaching a man in a suit with a sign. He grunted a greeting and she followed him towards the parking lot.

She climbed into the back of the black SUV and wondered what sort of accommodation the university had provided for her. The weather was muggy. She pulled her sweater over her head and laid it over her purse in the back of the vehicle.

"You here for something special?" the driver asked.

"Teaching," she said.

He must have picked up on her desire for silence, because he didn't ask any more questions. She rested her head against the window and stared out across the highway. The journey dragged on. The final step to her destination.

They drove down a road with trees and grass on both sides. She felt a warmth in her heart as she thought about walking around the leafy campus. Turning right, they came to a street with modest houses, with ample space surrounding them.

The SUV stopped and Maura stared at the house. The information stated that there was a house, with separate living quarters for one person on the side, which was where she was staying. She dragged her suitcase down the driveway and towards the side entrance.

She unlocked the door to her new home. It was small, modestly decorated, and a bit bare. But she anticipated she would probably put her own stamp on it eventually. She sunk into the couch. It was comfortable, and before she could stop herself, her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep.

x

Everything felt hopeless. There was nothing left. After her mother died, and Korsak was mad at her, and Frankie was comatose, all she had left was Maura, and now she had nothing. She stood on the sidewalk outside Korsak's home for a long time. The cool night air was rolling in by the time she finally headed back to her home.

The house.

It was never a home. The reason she was there at all was because she fucked everything up and ended up homeless. If only she'd know then what she knew now, that her mother and Kiki would end up dead because of it.

She strolled down the street towards Maura's. That was home. The only home she had ever wanted, the only home she didn't know she needed at first.

The front door was locked, and the set of keys she had were at the house down the street. She jimmied the lock on the gate and took the spare key to the guest house out of its hiding place.

Everything had been boxed up. Dust sheets covered the furniture. The ghost of her mother lingered in the air, a life barely lived within those four walls. A life taken away too soon.

She wished, if only a little, that she'd appreciated her mother more when she was alive. All those mornings she went to Maura's on the way to work and she didn't even stop by to say good morning to her mother. All those long nights sat drinking beer and eating fine cuisine while her mother stayed in the guest house. Any time she came near, Jane would get annoyed, or frustrated, and she'd leave them alone.

Why hadn't she invited her to join them just once?

She returned the key and retrieved the back door key instead, letting herself into the main house. Maura had left suddenly, but her house looked like she still lived there. Nothing had moved, excepting her laptop, her favourite coffee mug, and a photo from the bookcase.

She stood in the dark. So much had changed, irreparably so. Yet now that Maura had gone, it felt like nothing would ever be the same again.

x

At four in the morning, Maura lay wide awake. Sometime in the night she'd woken, got changed and climbed into the most comfortable bed she had felt in a long while. Realistically, the mattress was lumpy and the pillow not deep enough, but she was exhausted. It was still dark out, but it didn't trick her body into thinking she needed to sleep some more.

She got out of bed and wandered back into the kitchen area. She knew she hadn't purchased any food, and felt a sense of gratefulness at the bread, butter, croissants, jelly, eggs, milk, and coffee that was in a basket on the sideboard.

Tears pricked at her eyes, and she made herself a pot of fresh coffee, the tears streaming down her cheeks like rivers forging their way through harsh landscapes. She was mentally exhausted, and no amount of sleep was going to make her feel better. But a toasted croissant with jelly was enough to bring her some hope that maybe things were going to be okay.

By seven, she'd washed, dressed and felt vaguely human once more. She was in the process of hooking her laptop up to the wifi when a knock at the door startled her. On the other side of the door, a man with short greying black hair and glasses smiled at her.

"Sorry to call on you so early," he said, his southern drawl unfamiliar to her ears. "I could hear the television through the wall."

"Oh." Maura narrowed her eyes. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." 

"You didn't," he said, his smile never faltering. "I wanted to introduce myself before I head out, since we're gonna be neighbours. I'm Daniel Hoarcross."

"Doctor Maura Isles," she said, taking his outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"If you need anything, just knock. I've been here for seven years, so know all there is to know about anything you might have a question about."

"Thank you," Maura said, returning his smile. "That's very kind of you."

"I'll let you get settled in," he said, nodding his head and turning away.

Maura closed the door behind him and stared around at her empty home. She had many questions, none of which she much cared for the answer to. A second knock startled her again. She turned around and tugged open the door, a little frustrated at the second imposition from her new neighbour.

The last person she expected to see on the other side of the door was Jane.

"You got a bandage?" she asked, her voice hoarse and her fingers covered in a splattering of blood.

She tried to open her mouth to speak, but no words would come out. She stared down at the blood and rushed into the kitchen. She expected Jane to follow, but once she'd retrieved the travel sized first aid kit she carried with her, she found Jane stood on the doorstep.

"I thought it'd be alright, it was for a while, but now it's not," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"What happened?" Maura asked, peeling Jane's fingers away from the wound, she clamped her own around it and tugged Jane into the house. "You need to apply pressure and hold your arm up in the air."

Jane perched on the edge of a chair by the door. "I didn't mean to do it."

"I don't know if I have everything I'll need," Maura said. "You should have gone to the hospital."

"And miss my flight?" 

" _Yes_."

She worked in silence, cleaning and dressing the wound. Blood seeped through the material, so she applied an additional layer.

"Don't lower your hand," she said. "Not until the bleeding lessens. Give me five minutes and I'll find out where the nearest hospital is."

Jane shook her head, tears skirted down her face. "No. Maura. I don't need a hospital."

"Yes, you do," Maura said, pulling a dinging chair towards the edge of the seat and sitting opposite Jane. She trailed her fingers across Jane's injured arm. "You're hurt."

Jane shrugged. "What's new?"

"What did you do?"

Further tears flooded down her face. Jane swiped the back of her hands across her eyelids. "I didn't know what to do without you. I don't know how to get through this."

"You can't just fly across the country."

"I had to."

"Why?"

Jane cupped her face and leaned forward. Her shoulders shook violently. "I can't do this without you. I've lost so much. I don't know how to get through it without you."

"Jane," Maura whispered, her voice broken under the strain of her own tears. "Please don't do this. I can't fix you."

" _I know_." Jane's voice came out louder, and more abrupt than she expected. "I'm lost, I'm broken, I don't know how I can live without my family. Without _you_. I fucked it all up. I thought I was doing the right thing, trying to forget, pushing it all aside, but I just made it worse. I hurt you, and I pushed you away, and I'll never forgive myself for that. I want to do better, to be a better person, but I don't know how to do that without you."

Maura's heart ached, her throat felt dry and underused. She swallowed, sandpaper itched the back of her mouth. She leaned forward and scooped Jane into her arms, holding her tight.

"That's all I wanted from you," Maura said, cupping her cheek. She stroked tears from her eyes. "I needed you to be honest about how you're feeling, and stop hiding behind intimacy."

"I'll be honest," Jane said, closing her eyes and leaning her head against Maura's hand. "I won't do that again."

"I need you to want to do this, to want to be better, to live not just survive." Maura gripped her hand tightly. "I can't do this alone. I can't hold you up when all you want to do is fall down. You need to support yourself."

"I can. I _will_."

Maura leaned her head forward; fresh tears fell from her eyes. "I can't come home yet. I made a promise to the university. Our agreement was for three months, with the possibility of continuation."

Jane stared at her, her eyes tugged together. "It was never forever?"

Maura shrugged. "Not definitely. I needed a break. There's a possibility about a long term contract in the fall."

"I think I need a hospital," Jane said, holding out her wrist, blood had already reached the outer layer of the bandage. "It was stupid; I just wanted to feel pain."

"It wasn't stupid," Maura said, holding her wrist out between them. She got a clean towel and wrapped it tightly around the wound. "I'll see if my neighbour can give me the number for a cab company."

x

They sat in the waiting area of the hospital. Jane's arm freshly stitched and bandaged up. She absentmindedly stroked the skin on her arm as Maura finished filling out her paperwork.

"I'm sorry," Jane said, reaching her other hand out and running her fingers across Maura's wrist. "I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have done any of this."

"I'm glad you did," Maura said. "Not your wrist. Come, I mean. I didn't want to leave it like that; I didn't want to leave _you_. I needed you to understand that I couldn't be your band aid."

"I get it." Jane breathed in deeply.

"If I come home in three months, Jane, it can't be the same."

For the first time since she left Boston, Jane felt a sense of hope. "It won't be."

"I know this is the hardest battle you've ever had to face," Maura said, gripping her hand. "I'm here, Jane. I've been here for you since the moment it happened. I need you to be here too."

"I'm here." Jane stared into her eyes. "I'm here for you. I put myself first and I forgot that you were hurting, but I won't do that anymore. I promise."

Pulling her back into her arms, Maura held her close. She breathed in the scent of Jane's skin; the additional layer of sweat she imagined appeared overnight. She squeezed her tightly and nuzzled her face against her neck.

"Will you be okay for three months without me?"

Jane sighed and sat back in her seat. "I dunno."

"I still need a break. I can't get out of my contract. I don't want to."

"I know." She stared down at the floor. Her chest ached, but the thought of Maura staying there forever felt even more untenable than for three months. "I should have given you a break a long time ago."

"Why don't you stay for a couple of weeks?" Maura asked.

Jane chewed on her bottom lip. "All I brought with me is…well, me."

Laughter slipped out of her mouth before she could control it. "Oh Jane."

"I didn't really plan this." Jane stared at her, pressing her lips together to stop herself from laughing. "I needed to see you, to explain, to…I needed to tell you that I love you."

She reached out and twisted her fingers around Maura's. Maura stared at their hands, intertwined. She cleared her throat and tugged her hand away. "I can't."

"Oh."

"Not right now. Everything that's happened, Jane, it's too much." Maura sighed. "Maybe in three months. Maybe when we've had some space."

Breathing deeply, Jane sat a little taller. She brushed fresh tears aside. "I won't stay."

"You don't need to go straight away," Maura said.

Smiling, Jane cupped her cheek and leaned in. She brushed her lips against Maura's. When Maura didn't resist, her smile grew wider. "Yes, I do. You're right. Everything you've said has been right. We need a break. I need time to sort my head out. If I stay, it'll confuse things."

"Are you sure?"

Jane leaned in and kissed her again. "I'm sure. Don't go back on what you need just because I'm here. I came to tell you that I need you in my life, now I've done that, I can go back to Boston and wait for you to come home."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Note** **: The end is here. I'm hoping this week will be a little quieter than usual, so hopefully I can have some emotional space to write more of Bartender. For now, this fic is complete. I hope you enjoy the last chapter.**

* * *

She took the steps two at a time, bouncing down to the sidewalk where Maura waited beside her car. Jane tucked her hands into her pockets and glanced up at her, her lips pressed tightly together.

"Last session?" Maura asked, holding her arms out.

Jane strode forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Maura's back. "Last session. I didn't expect to see you. I thought you were picking me up from home."

"Nina mentioned you were going back to work tomorrow," Maura said, holding her at arm's length. She tucked a strand of Jane's hair behind her ear. "I couldn't wait to speak to you about it."

"Gotta go back eventually."

"Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." Jane tucked her hands back into her pockets and stared at Maura. When she caught her eye, she glanced away again. "I'm glad you came. You know, therapy's pretty draining."

"I know." Maura trailed her fingers along Jane's wrist. "I hope it was helpful."

"More than I expected." Jane stepped from one foot to the other. "The stuff about Ma, it's never gonna be okay. But I think I'm okay with that."

"You don't have to explain," Maura said, unlocking her car.

Jane opened the passenger door and climbed in beside her. She sighed. "I want to. You deserve to see how far I've come."

"I already know." Maura put the vehicle into drive and grasped the steering wheel. "You've always been stronger than you give yourself credit for. Once you get over the initial shock of the pain."

"I've not talked about Ma or Frankie in weeks," Jane said, her eyes fixed on Maura. A lump formed in the back of her throat, and her mouth was dry, but she persevered. "I've started working through that already."

"Oh." Maura glanced at her, then refocused on the road ahead. A silence followed. Jane's eyes not moving from Maura. "Do you wish to tell me what you have talked about?"

She sighed. The silence continued. She tried to swallow but her throat was too dry and her heart raced. She slid her hand across the space between them and rested it across Maura's thigh.

"Jane?"

" _You_." She gave her thigh a gentle squeeze and removed her hand. "Us. How I treated you."

"You already apologised about that when I last visited."

"Not apologies," Jane said. "How I feel. What I want."

"Which is?"

" _You_." Jane sighed again. She trailed her fingers across Maura's arm. "After everything we went through, you were worried it was just a reaction to my grief. Well, it's not. Not for me. I've realised that now."

"What do you mean, Jane?" Maura covered her hand, her lips curved at the edges. Her smile faltered, but she forced it back. A small crease formed between her eyebrows. "What are you saying?"

"My therapist made me do an exercise where I had to picture myself in ten years. Who was there, what we were doing, the usual bullshit."

Gripping the steering wheel tighter, Maura glanced briefly at Jane. "And?"

"All I could see was you, Maura." Jane cleared her throat. "I don't want you to think that means I want everything right now."

"What do you want?"

"A date."

"A date?" Pulling up at a red light, Maura pressed down on the break and turned to face Jane. "You wish to go out on a date?"

"You, me, somewhere nice, not fancy."

"We did that last time I was back in Boston," Maura said, her lips curved upwards.

"That was different." Jane's tongue involuntarily ran across her bottom lip. "Maura, how I treated you wasn't okay. I fucked up by fucking you."

"Do you have to use that language?" A horn pipped behind them. Maura glanced at the now green light, then into her mirrors and set off. "You know I don't like the vulgarity."

"That's what it was Maura, it was vulgar, it was horrible. I treated you horribly. I used you for something I needed, and I didn't think about how it would affect you, or our relationship. I let you down."

"You were grieving."

Jane shook her head. "That's no excuse. I don't want that anymore. Ever again. I want to show you that you mean something to me, that we can be something more than what we were before. That's what you wanted. You couldn't carry on as it was, but I wasn't able to give you what you deserved. Now I am. I don't want to push it, I don't want to jump back into bed with you like the last four months didn't happen. I want you and me to go out, to spend some time together, to get to know each other again."

"Okay."

Her eyebrows knitted together. Jane stared at Maura, cautiously analysing her facial expressions. "That's it?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Okay is all you've got to say?"

Maura smiled and reached her hand across the middle of the car. She trailed her hand across Jane's wrist, her hand tucked between her knees. "I wasn't expecting you to have become so enlightened by your experience of therapy. I thought we knew each other, now I wonder if there are things I need to learn. If you're ready to try, then so am I."

"Great." Jane turned her hand around and interlinked her fingers with Maura's. "Thank you."

x

The entrance of the state house was full of people; spectators, journalists, and uniformed police officers alike. Jane climbed out of Maura's car and buttoned up her uniform jacket. She ran her hands down the lapel and breathed deeply.

"It's going to be okay," Maura said, tucking her hand into Jane's. "You'll do brilliantly."

Jane forged a smile. Her heart raced inside of her chest, faster than she anticipated. She squeezed Maura's hand tightly and nodded her head.

"Good afternoon, Detective."

Twisting round quickly, Jane's eyes landed on Korsak's and her heart ached harder. She stared into his warm eyes, warmer than the last time she'd seen him. She opened her mouth to speak, but his outstretched arms were all she needed.

"I missed you," she whispered, stepping into his arms and holding him close. In the distance, she saw Maura walking across the room. "I'm so sorry."

"I know." He ran his hand across her back and gave her a peck on the cheek. "I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come back to you."

Jane stepped back, her eyes fixed on Korsak's. "Vince. You lost your wife. I'm surprised you didn't hate me forever."

"I didn't hate you," he said, cupping her hand between his. "I could never hate you. The grief was too big and you were too connected to it all. The loss of your beautiful mother, what happened to Frankie, Kiki and I had barely been together, how could my grief compare?"

"Don't say that." She brushed her fingers across her cheek. "Don't you ever say that. It doesn't matter how long you know someone. It's my fault it happened to begin with."

"It wasn't."

"Not intentionally," Jane gave her nose a rub. "But if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have done what she did and we wouldn't have lost the people we love. I didn't pull the trigger. I didn't ask her to do it. But there is blame, and no amount of therapy will stop me from feeling it."

Korsak shook his head and brushed fresh tears from her cheek. "I wish you wouldn't."

"I know."

A hand landed on her shoulder. Jane turned. Maura's smiling face stared back at her, her fingers trailed across her shoulder.

"They're ready, we have to go inside now."

With Maura's hand interlinking her own on one side, and Korsak linking her arm on the other, the three of them walked into the room. They moved slowly down the aisle, between groups of people, uniformed officers, and the flash of cameras.

"The front row is reserved for us," Maura said, letting go of her hand and guiding them down the row.

Jane sat down. The rows of people behind them felt intimidating and a little overwhelming. She closed her eyes and squeezed Maura's hand.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," a woman said, her voice booming through the speakers from the centre of the small stage. "Please welcome the Mayor of Boston."

The Mayor walked across the stage, her smile wide and her walk slow. She took the woman's place behind the podium and stared across the room. Jane sat up straighter, her heart thumping against her rib cage.

"Thank you all for coming on this very special, and somewhat sorrow filled day. We are here to honour several offices of the law for acts of bravery. But our highest accolade is for one of our police detectives who, as you will be aware, was sadly hospitalised eight months ago. Detective Francesco Rizzoli was at a friend's wedding when an active shooter fired shots. The incident cost recently retired Sergeant Korsak the life of his wife, as well as civilian Angela Rizzoli, mother of Francesco and his sister, Detective Jane Rizzoli. Once the shots had been fired, without thinking about his own safety, Detective Rizzoli gave chase and apprehended the attacker. He ensured that the woman who attacked his friends and family could hurt no one else. Sadly, he sustained gunshot wounds that cost him the life he once led."

The room was silent. Jane choked as tears built in the back of her throat, and she realised she'd barely breathed since the Mayor had begun speaking. Maura wrapped her hand around hers and held it tightly.

"Detective Francesco Rizzoli is a hero of Boston, and though he can't be here today as he's receiving round the clock care in a medical facility. I would like to introduce his sister, Detective Jane Rizzoli, to accept this medal of honour on his behalf."

She stood. All air escaped her chest. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing long enough to fill her chest and take the steps forward towards the podium. On the stage, her hands shook uncontrollably and she clung to the wooden podium for support. She stared out across the faces staring back at her. Men, women, children. People she knew. People she didn't know. Journalists. Police officers, detectives. Her eyes landed on Nina's a couple of rows back.

"Thank you all for coming," Jane said. She cleared her throat. The threat of tears was higher than she'd anticipated. "My brother was an exceptional man. We fought, like most siblings do. We acted like we didn't care, but deep down we loved each other as fiercely as only family can. Frankie loved his family. He loved our mother, and he acted because he knew that she had been injured on that night. But mostly he acted because he made it his life's work to protect this city from people who seek to cause us harm."

She paused. Fresh tears built in her eyes. Her heart ached and the words flooded her mind, disappearing into a sea of confusion and sorrow. She stared at Nina in the third row.

"I'm sorry." She kept her eyes fixed on Nina. "I shouldn't be here alone. Nina, come up here."

She stared at Jane, her eyebrows tugged together. A wave of her hand prompted her onward. She stood and side stepped her way down the row and up the aisle. She stopped a few feet away from Jane.

"This woman," Jane stepped to one side and pulled her in closer. "This woman loved him, she stood by him in the hospital, and she stepped up when I…when I was too heartbroken to do so myself. They asked me to do this because he was my brother, but she should be here too. She's family."

Nina's smile grew wider. Jane grasped her hand and held it tightly. "My brother was a brave man."

"Maybe not as brave as you," Nina said. The audience laughed and Jane felt her cheeks redden. She stayed silent as Nina opened her mouth again. "Frankie loved his sister. So much so that he followed in her footsteps by becoming a cop. He looked up to her. She's the reason he became a brave, kind detective who wanted to look after the people of Boston. His family made him the person he became."

Brushing fresh tears from her chin, Jane tried to reclaim her composure. "Thank you all for coming. I know Frankie would have appreciated this award, and your presence here today."

Jane nodded her head and stepped out from behind the podium. She linked her arm with Nina's and the room erupted into applause.

x

The Dirty Robber was abuzz with police officers of every distinction, many dressed in their most formal attire, whilst others were in their everyday uniforms. Maura carried a tray of drinks to the booth where Korsak, Nina and Jane were sat.

"I told you I could get them," Korsak said.

"Today is a day for the detectives of Boston," she said, rubbing his arm. "I hope you've had chance to catch up further."

"I hope you at least told them to put it on my tab."

"Of course," Maura said, smirking. "What's the point of knowing the owner if you can't get free drinks?"

"That-a girl!"

She placed four scotch glasses on the table, three bottles of beer and a glass of Pinot Grigio. Picking up her scotch, she slid into the booth beside Jane and lifted her glass. The others picked theirs up and they silently clinked them together.

Under the table, Maura gripped Jane's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Across the table, Korsak and Nina were deep in conversation.

"Thank you," Jane said, leaning in close to Maura. "You gave me my life back when I thought it would never happen."

"I didn't do much," Maura said.

"You did more than you'll ever know." Jane stared down at her lips, the desire to kiss her was high, but she resisted the urge. "I've been keeping something from you."

"Is everything okay?" Maura's eyes grew wide.

"It's fine," Jane said, her mouth grew wide. "It's more than okay. A few weeks ago I took the sergeants exam. Cavanaugh told me after the ceremony that I passed, and then he offered me Korsak's job when I go back."

Sitting up taller, Maura leaned in, her mouth agape. "Oh, Jane, that is wonderful news. Congratulations."

She leaned in further, pulling Jane into her arms. Jane settled into her embrace and ran a hand across the back of her head. She breathed slowly, deeply, savouring the moment. When she pulled away again, she trailed her fingertip across Maura's cheek.

"I know I said about a date," Jane said, resting her forehead against Maura's. She ran her finger across her lips. "But did I tell you how beautiful you look today?"

"Jane!" Maura said, her smile reached her eyes.

"I know, I know," Jane said, smirking. She shrugged her shoulders and sat back. Maura sipped her drink beside her. She would wait until their date. She would wait for a year, two years, six years, if it meant she could spend the rest of her life with her.

She leaned her head against her shoulder and ran her hand across Maura's knee. Maura lifted her mouth to her ear, her breath hot against her skin. "Maybe we can bypass the date. I'd forgotten how stunning you looked in your uniform."

She raised her eyebrows and smirked. Jane's breathing grew more laboured, but she stayed where she was and focused on the conversation passing between Korsak and Nina. Now they would talk with their friends, and celebrate Frankie's bravery award. Later, they would take the first step forward in their journey together.

* * *

 **The End**


End file.
